Family & Parenthood 02 (Jan 10 - Aug 10)

[kennynah]

Why the obsession with grades?

I guess it has to do with our value and working system.. Wana hv a cushy and guaranteed path to a very iron rice bowl? No other better way than to emulate the top brass in the civil service... Become a scholar; president, Colombo plan, psc overseas/local, army's OTA/LTA, n the list goes on....

This chase for paper results is a direct consequence of the current gahmen policy of attracting the brightest into their service n rewarding them very handsomely...

So... Some parents hungry for their children to serve the regime, will ignore those distinctions n only focus on sub 100 marks

[winston]

The 5 Things You Should Say to Your Spouse
by Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz, The Official Guides to Marriage

Negativism can easily creep into even the best relationships causing a pattern of negative actions and thoughts to overpower the marriage. The question often asked by couples is “How you can build positive interactions with each other on a daily basis so negativism doesn’t take hold of our relationship?”

All couples at times get themselves on a negative cycle that needs an immediate injection of positive communication. Couples at times forget to focus on the positive elements of their relationship and each other. They try small intermittent actions that do not provide a foundation for consistently positive interactions.

Over the years we have heard advice from thousands of happily married couples regarding the important things you should say to your spouse everyday. These couples communicate effectively on just about every level and have learned how to build positive interactions with each other on a daily basis. As we studied our mountains of interview notes, important lessons emerged.

Here are their recommendations for the five things that you should say to your spouse each day to build positive interactions:

1. I love you. These are the three favorite words of every spouse. It is a simple, direct, powerful, and highly meaningful statement. And don’t fall into the trap of so many couples that say, “Oh, I don’t need to tell him I love him. He knows I do.” Not true! You still must still tell the one you love multiple times each and every day that you love them.

2. I am so lucky to be married to you! If you want to touch the heartstrings of the one you love, tell them this. Just imagine being reminded every day that you are a blessing to the one you share your life with.

3. You look beautiful (handsome)! There is a major truth we have learned over the years – successfully married couples really do find each other attractive. And you know why – because they look for the most positive characteristics in each other in both a psychological as well as a physical sense. Telling each other this daily is a powerful statement of love.

4. I would like your opinion and value our wisdom. Successfully married couples have great admiration and respect for each other. They value each other’s opinion. Their most trusted advisor in life is their spouse. Asking for your spouse’s opinion about issues and acknowledging their wisdom builds a strong bond between the two of you.

5. And finally, every day of your life with the one you love, point out one of their strengths. Try this – “Sweetheart, did I ever tell you how much I admire the positive way you treat others?” Or, “Honey, you have such wonderful patience with the children!” Make sure the strength you highlight is a true strength.

Each and every day, highlight one or more of your soul mate’s most positive virtues. Begin a habit of positive interactions with your spouse by remembering to say these five things to the one you love everyday.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/the- ... our-spouse

[kennynah]

too much of such western "propaganda"... no good for health... becomes fake... not sincere....

just do this...

love your spouse as you love yourself/parents...
sincerely care for the partner's wellbeing
respect each other


enuf liao.... all these "say one good thing to him/her everyday"...yada...yada...are for those who are not committed to their spouse..and need reassurances every second... otherwise, file for divorce... the last thing i wana do is to follow some very mistaken american ideas

[winston]

Is Independent Thinking a Psychiatric Disorder? by Ethan A. Huff / Source: Natural News

Psychiatrists have been working on the fourth revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) and, in it, they hope to add a whole slew of new psychiatric disorders. Unfortunately, many of these disorders are merely differences in personality and behavior among people.

The new edition may include "disorders" like "oppositional defiant disorder", which includes people who have a pattern of "negativistic, defiant, disobedient and hostile behavior toward authority figures." Some of the "symptoms" of this disorder including losing one's temper, annoying people and being "touchy".

Other "disorders" being considered include personality flaws like antisocial behavior, arrogance, cynicism or narcissism. There are even categories for people who binge eat and children who have temper tantrums.

Children are already over-diagnosed for allegedly being bipolar or having attention-deficit disorder (ADD), which results in their being prescribed dangerous antipsychotic drugs. To categorize even more childhood behaviors as psychiatric disorders will only further increase the number of children who will be needlessly prescribed antipsychotic drugs.

Each new revision of DSM has included controversial new additions, and this newest version is no exception. In fact, the manual has increased considerably in size over the years. What is most disturbing about the current proposed revisions is the blatantly brave, new way in which so-called medical professionals are viewing individual characteristics.

Children who exhibit unique eccentricities in accordance with their unique personalities, in general, would be categorized as having a mental illness. If this criteria had been used in past centuries to diagnose illness, there may have never been people like Mozart or Einstein who ventured outside the norm and came up with new or unique ideas.

A Washington Post article captured the essence of this concept perfectly in the following quote:

"If seven-year-old Mozart tried composing his concertos today, he might be diagnosed with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder and medicated into barren normality."

The perception that character differences are somehow a psychic illnesses not only absolves individuals of personal responsibility, but it takes away their unique personhood. It reduces people into subjects that cannot think for themselves, but rather have to be controlled through drugs.

Which brings us to perhaps the biggest thrust behind the DSM revisions: the drug companies. Pharmaceutical companies stand to gain a lot for having virtually every person categorized as mentally ill and in need of drugs.

A more accurate approach to the situation is to assess the psychiatrists and drug lords who are contriving such nonsense as being the true possessors of mental illness. Perhaps these people are the ones that need to be institutionalized.

http://www.mindpowernews.com/IndependentThinking.htm

[Cheng]

My exact sentiments. These psychiatrists are just very bo liao. They like to classify every nitty-gritty disorders that they can find and sell their clients drugs that they dont really need. Maybe they should term for themselves too, like "finding fault disorder", even if there is no problem at all.

Wah another hammer in the bag ,maybe we would find a surge in "opposition defiant disorder" in IMH these days?

[winston]

Relative to our children or any children with whom we would interact, our one dominant intention would be to give them a conscious understanding of how powerful and important and valuable and perfect they are.

Every word that would come out of our mouths would be a word that would be offered with the desire to help this individual know that they are powerful.

It would be a word of empowerment. We would set the Tone for upliftment and understand that everything will gravitate to that Tone if we would maintain it consistently.

--- Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in Chicago, IL on Saturday, July 19th, 1997 #469


Source: abraham-hicks.com

[winston]

It's the summer holidays and the kids will be on vacation for a few months. They have already spent the last few days glued to their computer, Wii and PSP the whole day

Yesterday, one of the mums suggested that we bring the kids to an orphanage. We agreed, so the younger boy would be going to the orphanage this week. Hoped he learned something ...

As for the elder one, I still have not find something for him yet. I'm trying to get him to get out of the house everyday. So far, he has been to the gym, played some Ping Pong and went for a walk with me to see the boats. Working in McDonalds would be a good experience but he's dead against it

Any suggestions on summer activities for teenage boys ? I'm also thinking of sending them away to stay with some relatives ..

[millionairemind]

W,

Your idea of bringing your younger boy to an orphanage is a good idea. Hope that our young can learn to be grateful for what they have.

If your older boy is against the idea of working during summer, perhaps one way to "motivate" him is to cut off his allowance, then he will have no choice but to work. I worked almost every holiday when I was a teenager. I tot it helps to build up a strong work ethic.

As for other activities, it depends on what you want your boy to learn from it. Is it compassion? Gratitude? If he is living too comfortably, perhaps sending him to live with a relative in a developing country (with close adult supervision, you don't want him to fall into bad company) to work in a relative's restaurant, shop etc... will be good.

Other possibility includes sending him to join your religious faith community outreach programs, such as visiting old folks and helping to clean their house etc...etc...

But if your house is too "comfy", then the inertia your boy has to do anything other than enjoying himself will be too great to overcome.

mm

[winston]

Thanks MM. I need to have a heart to heart talk with him today. Take care, W

[kennynah]

Yesterday, one of the mums suggested that we bring the kids to an orphanage. We agreed, so the younger boy would be going to the orphanage this week. Hoped he learned something ...

now...the cat is out of the bag