Smile & Laugh 05 (Feb 10 - Jul 10)

[millionairemind]

You planning on a daughter soon?

haha... NO..

Just wanted to poke fun at man... I am an equally opportunity joke uploader.

[tonylim]

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A PSYCHIATRIST AND TOLD HIM

'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy..'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the psychiatrist. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the psychiatrist met me on the street.

'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!

SCREW THOSE PSYCHIATRISTS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER

[kennynah]

good one tony

[tonylim]

First-year students at Medical College were receiving their first Anatomy class, with a real dead human body.They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.The Professor started the class by telling them, "In Medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you must not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.

Now learn to pay attention."

[millionairemind]

haha....

[winston]

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

[winston]

Password

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer. At the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now have to enter a password.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.

So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...

P.....
E.....
N.....
I.....
S.....

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

PASSWORD DENIED - NOT LONG ENOUGH….

[winston]

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

[winston]

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

[millionairemind]

Blonde's Mailbox

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"