Smile & Laugh 05 (Feb 10 - Jul 10)

[iam802]

Those Questions No One Can Answer

What's the difference between unique and very unique?

I know the answer to it.

Hidden Content:

The person saying 'Very Unique' is lying.

It is the same as 'To be honest and To be very honest'.

I learn it from my boss long long time back. Every time, he tries hard to convince the customer, ... he will say "To be very honest......"

[millionairemind]

I agree with 802. I am usually quite wary when sales people tell me "TO BE HONEST WITH YOU"..

Definitions

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.

[kennynah]

this one best....received this in my email... this person was describing himself... no prize for guessing the nationality

"• Optimistic and humor, can bring happy to people"

[millionairemind]

this one best....received this in my email... this person was describing himself... no prize for guessing the nationality

"• Optimistic and humor, can bring happy to people"

What kind of HAPPY??

[millionairemind]

Teacher jokes-Seventeenth Chapter

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."

About half the class rose and came forward.

"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."

[millionairemind]

Got this from Cherry. Hilarious

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vq8wbXAR ... _embedded#

[millionairemind]

From Cherry,.....

Prayer for Dad


Dear God, please send clothes
for all those poor ladies on dad's computer.

Amen."

[millionairemind]

Got this from Cherry..

BEER CONTAINS FEMALE HORMONES!

This is alarming

Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!

Last month, Montreal University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.


To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period.


It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional.

6) Couldn't drive.

7) Failed to think rationally, and

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary!! "Statistically significant"

Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer!

[millionairemind]

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ – He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’

2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’ – He is ‘ OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’

3. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ – He ‘ INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’

4. He is not ‘BALDING’ – He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’

5. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’

6. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging out of his pants – It’s ‘TROUSER CLEAVAGE !’

[millionairemind]

100 Dollars

Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing
any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.

Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admitted that, well, yes he did. She said "You can have it, but it will cost you
$100." After a minute or two, John indicated that he was interested. She informed him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house
around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left. Bill came home about 6:00 PM. He asked his wife,
"Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?" She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!'

Finally she says, "Yes, he did give me $100." "Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his
way home and pay me back