Smile & Laugh 05 (Feb 10 - Jul 10)

[millionairemind]

It is snowing

A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him. She knocks on the window and says, “Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.” The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.

At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, “Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load.” He ignores her again and continues down the street. At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says,

“Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.”

The trucker looks at her and finally he says, “Hi, my name is Kevin, it’s snowing, and I’m driving a salt truck.”

[millionairemind]

A busy weekend

A young high school couple - Johnny and Suzie had been dating for 2 years, but Suzie had very conservative parents - so she never told them about Johnny.

One day she announced, "Johnny, Friday is my 18th birthday. I want you to come over and meet my parents. And then Saturday, they will be going away for the weekend - and this being my 18th birthday, I want us to finally "DO IT."

Johnny was ecstatic, and the day of the dinner, he went out and bought flowers for Suzie and candy for her mom. He then stopped by the pharmacy to buy some condoms.

The pharmacist asked him, "Do you want the 2 pack, 3 pack or 12 pack." Johnny responded, "You know, I think it's going to be a busy weekend, so I'll take the 12 pack."

Johnny headed over to Suzie's house, gave her the flowers and her mom the chocolate. Suzie's father also joined them on dinner. Johnny asked if he could say grace before the meal, and he sat there quietly for 10 minutes almost in a meditative state.

Suzie turned towards him and whispered, 'Johnny, you never told me you were so religious."

Johnny turned and replied, "Suzie, you never told me your dad was a pharmacist."

[millionairemind]

Cowboy and a lesbian

An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women."

The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

[millionairemind]

A crowded bus stop

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step. So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step. About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!! " At this the Texan drawled " Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that maybe we were friends."

[millionairemind]

Not sure if anyone here has seen or likes Everybody Loves Raymond.

The Mrs. and I really enjoyed it cos' all the jokes in the comedy are clean and wholesome. It's hilarious. If you have never seen it, go catch the re-runs on StarWorld.

[millionairemind]

Blind Man

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. “There is a blind man to see you,” she says. “Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I’m in the shower. Send him in.”

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: “That’s nice and all, ma’am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

[millionairemind]

Why did you have to die

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? ”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? ”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”

[millionairemind]

Nun in trouble

At a nunnery, all 100 nuns are called to a meeting. The head nun begins to speak:
"Something terrible has happened, last night i found a pair of lace underpants in the hallway"

99 nuns gasped, but 1 giggled

"And' the head nun continued "There was a condom in them"

99 nuns gasped, 1 giggled

"And!" the nun went on "the condom had a hole in it!!!"

99 nuns giggled, and 1 gasped

[kennynah]

Not sure if anyone here has seen or likes Everybody Loves Raymond.

not a bad tv comedy series....

[Aspellian]

1) What is the similarity between Bill gates and me? Dont know? So simple, He never comes to my house and I never go to his house ...EGO PRoblem

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2) We sms Each Other B'coz U Think Im Nice i Think Ur Nice U Think Im Cool i Think Ur Cool U Think Im Sweet i Think Ur Sweet U Think Im Smart i Think Ur RigHT

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3) Who Said English is Easy

Fill this blank with
Yes or No?

1. __ I don't have a BRAIN.

2. __I dont have SENSE.

3. __I am STUPID.

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4) I want to Share 'EVRYTHING' with U. Your JOYS ur SADNESS, ur HAPPY MOMENTS. Every Single SECOND OF THE DAY. Let's START with Your "BANK A/C

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5) A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife..

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6) There once lived 4 friends, Mad, Brain, Sumbody, Nobody. 1 day, Sumbody killed Nobody. That time Brain was in toilet Mad called the police.
Mad: Is it police station?
Police: Yes,what is the matter?
Mad: Sumbody killed Nobody
Police: R u mad?
Mad: Yes, Iam Mad
Police: Dont u have brain?
Mad: Brain is in the toilet.

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7) Sweet persons talk from HUTCH. Lovers talk from AIRTEL. Beggers talk from BSNL. Beuties talk from SPICE. But BRILLIANTS never talk. They send SMS