Life 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[winston]

Horror In Hartford... and the Healing of Karen Armstrong by Alexander Green

Nineteenth-century philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer was one of history's great pessimists.

His view of life is unremittingly dark. Yet even the old crapehanger himself believed that we are ultimately redeemed by our empathy for our fellow man.

In his essay "On the Foundations of Morality," published in 1839, Schopenhauer wrote, "How is it possible that suffering that is neither my own nor of my concern should immediately affect me as though it were my own, and with such force that it moves me to action? ... This is something really mysterious, something for which Reason can provide no explanation, and for which no basis can be found in practical experience. It is not unknown even to the most hard-hearted and self-interested.

Examples appear every day before our eyes of instant responses in kind, without reflection, one person helping another, coming to his aid, even setting his own life in clear danger for someone whom he has seen for the first time, having nothing more in mind than that the other is in need and peril in his life."

I'm still trying to square these words - which strike most of us as instinctively true - with what happened to Angel Arce Torres in Hartford, CT this week.

As The Associated Press reported this morning, "A 78-year-old man is tossed like a rag doll by a hit-and-run driver and lies motionless on a busy street as car after car goes by. Pedestrians gawk but do nothing. One driver stops but then pulls back into traffic. A man on a scooter circles the victim before zipping away. The chilling scene - captured on video by a streetlight surveillance camera - has touched off a round of soul-searching in Hartford, with the capital city's biggest newspaper blaring 'SO INHUMANE' on the front page and the police chief lamenting: 'We no longer have a moral compass.'"

Although it was initially reported that onlookers didn't even bother to call for help, it has since been discovered that four people did dial 911 shortly after the accident.

Still, Torres - who at last report was alive but in critical condition at Hartford Hospital - was not only left for dead by the perpetrator, but left unattended by dozens of passers-by.

Over the last 24 hours, hundreds in the national media have expressed outrage. It's not my intention here to pile on. Nor do I blame Hartford. If this could happen in one city it could happen in another, perhaps many others.

However, I would like to make a simple observation. Without compassion, there really isn't much to separate us from the rest of the animal kingdom.

If we're deaf and blind to the suffering of those around us, what is the value of language, intelligence, culture or technology? Without compassion, what is left to redeem us?

Genuine compassion is not about thinking compassionate thoughts. It means taking action.

Not just in times of crisis - or during a tragedy like the one in Hartford this week - but every day. After all, there is plenty of suffering in the world right now. We have only to act.

If you haven't seen it, I strongly suggest that you take a few minutes to watch scholar Karen Armstrong's acceptance speech after receiving the TED prize in February. (The annual TED conference is where the world's most fascinating thinkers and doers are challenged to give the talk of their lives - in 18 minutes or less.)

In her talk, Armstrong argues that religion is not about believing certain things. "Religion," she says, "is about behaving differently... And religious doctrines are meant to be summons to action: you only understand them when you put them into practice."

I think this is true. You don't have to hold the "right" religious viewpoint - or any religious viewpoint - to be compassionate. You need only be a person of conscience.

So believe what you will. But recognize that we all have a choice. We can act compassionately... or we can be a paler version of the bystanders in Hartford this week.

The choice is ours.

[winston]

Korea's `Gold Misses' Dump Men for Fendi Bags, Seduce Marketers
by Bomi Lim

June 13 (Bloomberg) -- Kim Ji Won spent $2,400 on a Fendi handbag, one of only two of that design imported into South Korea, during a recent shopping spree. Then she dropped $1,700 on a turquoise chiffon dress.

``I buy designer goods as a reward for having worked hard,'' the 31-year-old freelance interpreter says as she caresses the bag's purple and gold spangles at an Italian eatery in Seoul's Apgujeong district, dotted with clothing boutiques and spas. ``I'm happy with my life. Why give up all that by marrying?''

Kim, who earns $100,000 a year, is one of a new generation of women who are forsaking marriage to pursue professional careers, upsetting the country's patriarchal order. These so- called gold misses have attracted the attention of banks and retailers who offer special accounts and wine-tasting classes to win their business.

``Women started to realize that they no longer have to rely on men for a happy and comfortable life,'' says Bae Eun Kyung, an assistant sociology professor at Seoul National University. ``They started to really question the system.''

The average age at which women first marry rose to 28.1 years in 2007 from 25.7 in 1997, National Statistical Office data show. The average number of children a woman has in her lifetime fell to 1.26 from 1.54.

South Korea ranked 64th last year for the level of female participation in society, according to the United Nations Development Program, behind the Philippines and Vietnam.

Subordinate Role

The social and economic status of women lags behind because the country was historically influenced by the teachings of the ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius, says Hyun Taik Soo, a sociology professor at Korea University in Seoul.

``One of the major teachings of Confucianism was that men are superior to women, making women's role peripheral and subordinate to men,'' Hyun says. Korean women are belatedly catching up with trends in the West, he says.

The number of gold misses, defined as single women aged 30 to 45 with college degrees and annual income of at least $40,000, soared to 27,233 in 2006 from 2,152 five years earlier, according to the state-run Korea Employment Information Service.

Still a small part of the female workforce at 0.3 percent, these women are being monitored because their ranks are expected to swell as lifestyles change, says Park Sang Hyun, a researcher at the Seoul-based agency.

Traditionalists say the trend is undermining South Korean society.

``It was instigated by a few feminists and youngsters who indulge in Western culture,'' says Choi Jong Dong, secretary general at an alliance for preserving traditional family values. ``It is lamentable how women's selfishness is leading to the rupture of families in Korea, which has historically valued families as the root of sound ethics.''

Disapproving Eyes

Until now, social prejudice stopped Ha Eun Kyung, 36, vice president of luxury-villa management company Dongyaloo, from buying a foreign car. Now the $150,000-a-year executive is preparing to purchase either a Lexus or Mercedes Benz sedan.

``When you are a woman and single in Korea, driving a foreign car will draw more disapproving eyes than envious ones,'' says Ha, who has spent as much as $10,000 in a weekend to relieve stress. ``People don't think I worked hard to deserve it. Instead they assume there must be something fishy behind my wealth.''

Ha says some male superiors quit their jobs, unable to accept her rapid promotions during 10 years at the company.

``Gold misses are still viewed as just women, rather than as professionals like men,'' says Bae of Seoul National University. ``Most people still don't understand women can make that much money through their own efforts and capabilities.''

Wine Tasting

Marketers have adapted faster. Kookmin Bank, South Korea's largest lender, offers interest rates as much as 0.2 percentage points higher to female depositors who attend language or computer classes or join a gym.

``It's aimed at attracting female customers who become more and more involved in diverse extracurricular activities as their social status rises,'' says bank spokesman Choi In Seok.

The Millennium Seoul Hilton hotel is offering a ``Girls' Night In'' package that provides female guests with free cosmetics, pizza, and wine-tasting and coffee-brewing classes, increasingly popular among single women.

``Gold misses have the money and they set the trends,'' says Park Jae Hang, head of the Brand Marketing Institute at Cheil Worldwide Inc., the country's largest marketing agency. ``They are here to stay.''

Lee Ae Shil, a 33-year-old housewife who is studying to become an accountant with full support from her husband, says marriage doesn't necessarily mean sacrifice.

``Having a husband and a child hasn't prevented me from doing things I want to do,'' says Lee, who quit her job as a fixed-income analyst when she married in 2004 and decided to go back to work after giving birth to a daughter two years ago.

Wedlock still comes with too many responsibilities for translator Kim, who is content with meeting men on casual dates.

``I don't believe in the theory that marriage provides security,'' Kim says. ``In the end, only you can look out for yourself.''

[kennynah]

the global retail business will be in slumps without women....

The Millennium Seoul Hilton hotel is offering a ``Girls' Night In'' package that provides female guests with free cosmetics, pizza, and wine-tasting and coffee-brewing classes, increasingly popular among single women.

i suppose, they may have missed out a small detail.....male butlers...with 2 bow ties (wink)

[millionairemind]

A friend of mine just sent me this video link about Forgiveness and the Freedom of Letting Go.

We might not forget when people wronged us but we can learn to forgive cos' there is really no point to always live in the past.

Hope that you will enjoy the video.

Embedded videos have been disabled.
Click to view video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3D4VMZb8wLY&feature=related

[millionairemind]

Below is a quote that I read about 20yrs ago which impacted me alot pyschologically....

Henry David Thoreau
The masses of men lead lives of quiet desperation

[winston]

How to Calculate Your Real Wealth by Alexander Green


"It is one of the blessings of old friends," said Ralph Waldo Emerson, "that you can afford to be stupid with them."

This is true. I know because I just survived one of the stupidest weekends of my life.

Twenty-five of my oldest and dearest friends converged on the Villas of Grand Cypress in Orlando for a weekend of eating, drinking, golfing, and, yes, much stupidity.

Old stories were told. Old lies were repeated. Old insults were traded. (Along with a few new ones.) It was heaven.

This particular group was not my work buddies, my college buddies, my neighborhood buddies or my tennis buddies. No, these are the derelicts who have stuck with me my whole life. Some of them were in my kindergarten class.

My friend Rick Pfeifer brought his daughter Courtney, a senior at Florida State, to dinner Friday night. I've known Courtney for more than 20 years, too. I used to pick her up and hold her when she was a baby. (I told Rick I'd like to pick her up and hold her now, but he said "no.")

These are not just old companions. These are the guys who will show up at my funeral even if it's raining. (Assuming I don't outlive these alcoholics.)

It has been said many times, but you really can't put a price on friendship. Our true friends are the ones who have known us the longest, understand us the best, and yet choose to hang out with us anyway.

Friends like these are irreplaceable. They are the wine of life. The classical world understood this well:

"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship," said Saint Thomas Aquinas. "Without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious."

The Greek philosopher Antisthenes said, "There are only two people who can tell you the truth about yourself - an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who loves you dearly."

"It is a good thing to be rich, it is a good thing to be strong," observed the tragedian Euripides, "but it is a better thing to be beloved of many friends."

The Roman playwright Plautus said simply, "Your wealth is where your friends are."

Yet we don't always appreciate these riches. We can take our friends for granted. We may get too busy or self-involved to check on them, to see how they're doing. Without meaning to, we lose touch.

A few months ago, out of the blue, I received a phone call from my old college roommate, Brian Darby. He invited me to join him - and a few other old fraternity buddies - for a weekend at his golf club near Tampa.

I had lost touch with Brian more than 25 years ago. He has sons now who are nearly the same age we were when I saw him last.

Yet from the very first slap on the back, it was clear that no time had passed. Nothing had changed. It didn't take 10 seconds to reconnect - or for us to begin retelling those old stories. In short, much stupidity ensued.

It was bliss.

During this past weekend's revelry, our group received the news that political journalist Tim Russert had suddenly collapsed from a heart attack at work and died. He was 58. While none of us knew Russert personally, we were momentarily dumbstruck. Everyone in the room was shaking his head and thinking the same thing: "There but for the grace of God..."

We resolved then and there to stop waiting for a reason and start making plans to get together each year. (We even decided to call it The Annual Tim Russert Invitational in honor of the man whose passing inspired us.) After all, most of us are already on the back nine. Why wait?

We've chosen next year's organizer. And each year we intend to meet at a different locale for more camaraderie. More fellowship. More stupidity.

How about you? Do you have an old friend out there who would be delighted to see you or thrilled - as I recently was - to get an unexpected phone call?

If so, reach out. Call them. Meet them for lunch. Be the organizer who pulls your old group together. (Trust me, you'll get extra accolades for that.) Do it - and you are guaranteed a rewarding experience.

After all, these are not our relatives, our neighbors, or our business colleagues. These are the folks above all others that we choose to spend our time with. That doesn't just make them rare or special.

It makes them priceless

[helios]

man, it's a v good article; innocence & stupidity r e best experiences to be felt in life ...

[Cherry]

Moved this post from the "Smile & Laugh" thread.

===================================

We have been reading a lot of posts. Now a post to balance out.

A MOTHER'S LETTER!

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell...anything for the money we needed, she was such an embarrassment. There was this one day during elementary school.

I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out.

The next day at school..."Your mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me. I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world, so I said to my mom, "Mom, why don't you have the other eye?! If you're only going to make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?!"

My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time..

Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

That night...

I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away.

Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.

Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had.

Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I'm living happily as a
successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom.

This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me "What?! Who's this?!" ...It was my mother...Still with her one eye.

It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye. And i asked her, "Who are you?!. I don't know you!!!" as if trying to make that real. I screamed at her "How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"

And to this, my mother quietly answered,"oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared.

Thank good ness... she doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.

Then a wave of relief came upon me...one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip.

After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground.

But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

She wrote:
My son...I think my life has been long enough now. And.. I won't visit Seoul anymore... but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school.... For you...I'm sorry that i only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you.

You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so I gave you mine...I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple of times that you were angry with me. I thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me.

'I miss the times when you were still young around me. I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me!

[winston]

Woman rescued in China earthquake gives birth
By DAVID WIVELL – 2 hours ago

URUMQI, China (AP) — In the 50 hours she was trapped under rubble after last month's earthquake, mother-to-be Zhang Xiaoyan prayed hardest not for her own life but for her baby's survival.

On Wednesday, she got her wish, giving birth to a healthy, pink-cheeked 7.3-pound girl at the Urumqi Maternal Care Hospital in her home region of Xinjiang in China's far west.

Zhang's dramatic rescue was a rare bright spot after the May 12 earthquake centered in Sichuan province killed almost 70,000 people and left 5 million homeless.

The image of rescue workers pulling the eight-month pregnant Zhang onto a stretcher two days after the quake, her stomach protruding from under a blue sweater and pink pants, was played on TV screens and newspapers across the country.

"Even if I didn't make it, I just wanted my baby to survive. I was holding out hope during the earthquake that this day would come," Zhang, 35, said Wednesday as she reclined in a hospital bed with her daughter swaddled in a pink floral blanket beside her.

She leaned over to kiss the baby she has named Ai, or love, in honor of the rescue workers and strangers who have showered her with kindness, gifts and VIP treatment in the month since she was pulled out of the debris.

The rescue of Zhang, along with her 63-year-old mother, from the collapsed ruins of a seven-story apartment building in Dujiangyan set off celebrations among the rescuers. The two had been trapped in about 18 feet (six meters) of concrete slabs and other debris.

Sun Guoli, the fire chief of Chengdu who was overseeing the operation, called it "a miracle of life, using one's life to save a life." Watchers burst into cheers and applause when Zhang was finally pulled out and taken away in an ambulance.

A celebrity since she was taken to the hospital, Zhang said she was grateful for all the care and attention she has received from the medical staff, who banded together to donate new sets of clothes and presents for her and the baby.

Zhang said she plans to stay in Xinjiang with her mother until living conditions improve in Sichuan. She had moved there after high school in Xinjiang, and met her husband there.

Her husband, Pan Yuncheng, a native of Sichuan, remains in Dujiangyan where he is living in a refugee camp.

The couple talked to each other briefly by telephone Wednesday during an interview set up by a local radio station.

"I want to thank all the people that were helpful. It was very moving," he said, as his daughter gave out a loud yell over the phone.

[millionairemind]

Happiness comes from oneself and the society: psychologist
Fostering happiness stems brain drain: happiness guru

By CHUANG PECK MING
IS IT the government's job to make the people happy?

'Happiness is not about money but a society that is engaged.' - Prof Ed Diener

Those who demur would argue that happiness is within you, said happiness guru Ed Diener at a luncheon talk yesterday at the World Cities Summit.

But the professor of psychology at the University of Illinois said that the argument that happiness is within oneself has been 'over-emphasised'.

'It is also within a society and city,' said Prof Diener who is also linked to the Gallup Organisation. And so 'leaders should foster happiness'.

The government's job is not just to provide clean water, but also happiness, along with well-being, according to him. 'It's a good thing and should be fostered. It helps both individuals and organisations.'

He said that happiness is good for creativity and entrepreneurship. 'If people are in distress and worry only about their problems, they don't have time to be creative.'

Promoting happiness creates good citizens, stems brain drain and leads to brain gain, according to him. And happy citizens make happy and productive workers.

But what is happiness? 'You don't need to act like an American to be happy,' said Prof Diener, who is also the author of several books on happiness. That means happiness is not about smiling and laughing, being ecstatic and proclaiming 'great' or 'super'.

He said that happiness has got a lot to do with satisfaction and contentment, minimal negative emotions and being engaged with the community and at work.

In post-materialistic countries such as Singapore, he said that happiness is not about money but a society that is engaged.

It comes with good health and a longer lifespan, which means a more productive workforce and lower health costs.

Prof Diener said that in a happy society, the people are very cooperative and trust each other, there is more voluntarism and the people love peace.

Another speaker, Jim Clifton, chairman and chief executive of Gallup, made the point that well-being, including happiness and life satisfaction, is influenced by the society and city in which one lives, among other factors. And well-being counts when it comes to brain drain or brain gain, he said.

Prof Diener said that his PhD students are drawn to Singapore because of the 'intellectual opportunities' it offers; the country's multi-culturalism; and good food.

'So make sure you have some good restaurants if you want to attract brain gains,' he quipped.

Singapore is also attractive to foreign talent because of its low pollution, low noise level, safety, green space, the ease of commuting and 'social capital' - meaning a helpful and caring society, he said.