Smile & Laugh 08 (Mar 12 - Sep 12)

[winston]

Kissing

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing.

"Why don't you do that?" said the wife.

"Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!"

[winston]

"Find an excuse to laugh every chance you get, especially when you least feel like it."

- Kekich Credo #90

[winston]

Barber

A guy walks in to the Barbershop.

Barber says, "What will it be today?"

Guy says, "well I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up."

Barber says, "Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that."

Guy says, "That's how you cut it last time"

[winston]

Flowers

A new business was opening, and one of the owner's friends sent flowers for the occasion.

But when the owner read the card with the flowers, it said. Rest in Peace.

The owner was little upset and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist about the obvious mistake, the florist said, Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rater than getting angry, you should imagine this:

Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, Congratulations on you new location.

[winston]

Ashes

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room.

She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.

He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

[winston]

Maurice an 82 year-old man went to the doctor for his physical.

A few days later the doctor saw Maurice walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later do doctor spoke to Maurice and said, You're really dong great, aren't you?

Maurice replied, Just doing what you said, Doc: Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.

The doctor said, I did not say that. I said, You got a heart murmur. Be careful.

[winston]

Driver's License

Martin had just received his brand new driver's license.

The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time.

Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

[winston]

50th Anniversary

To celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary, a couple returned to their honeymoon hotel.

After retiring to bed, the wife said, Darling, do you remember how you stroked my hair? and so he stroked her hair.

She reminded him of the way they had cuddled, and so they did.

Then, with a sigh, she whispered, Won't you nibble my ear again?

With that, the husband got out of bed and left the room. Where are you going? cried the wife.

To get my teeth,he said.

[winston]

Foreman

Peter was telling a friend that he had just lost his job.

Why did the foreman fire you, the friend asked in surprise.

Peter said, you know how foreman are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work.

We all know that, replied his friend. But why did he let you go?

Jealousy, answered Pete. All the other workers thought I was the foreman.

[winston]

Marriage


"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then, why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married."