Are You Fixed Yet? by Arleen Hannich
I have been reflecting lately on how much my life has been driven by my belief that I am unacceptable. As I child I felt I was unacceptable, so I made getting good grades the priority. Later, still feeling unacceptable, I focused on working hard and proving myself. Still later, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and I began working with a multitude of healers, teachers, and modalities.
Today's status check on whether I'm done yet: Nope. My mind tells me I'm still not fixed.
Can you relate?
And hey, I've seen other people's bookshelves--I know I'm not in this alone! Go ahead--take just a few minutes right now to reflect on how carefully you have constructed your life so you can avoid feeling pain, avoid facing what you fear, and to help you feel more "acceptable."
The desire to fix ourselves (and others) seems to be at epidemic proportions. At the core of the fixing mission, of course, is the assumption that we are "wrong" as we are.
There is a refusal or an inability to accept ourselves, which places us in resistance to ourselves--and therefore to everything and everybody around us. After all, when we are focused on finding fault in ourselves, we must find fault in others as well. We can't escape this consequence.
Taking this approach to life has other costs as well: loss of interest, lack of passion, lack of fulfillment, an absence of joy, confusion, and frustration--just to name a few.
At the core, is the mind
At the core of the assumption that "I am wrong as I am" is the mind. An egoic mind which very happily:
*
feels the need to be constantly working on something--to prove its existence and its value
*
compares, evaluates, judges and has the habit of wanting you to be whatever you are not (no matter what you are--have you noticed there is never an end?)
* focuses only on outward actions and outer perceptions and responses * has catalogued an infinite amount of information and data (and infinite variations and combinations) on how you need to change and doesn't hesitate to keep you informed
*
lives in the past or the future and never in the present
* sets your subconscious on an endless quest of
finding internal errors and the appropriate solutions; until the mind becomes bored, that is, and wishes to move onto the next deficiency and the next "repair" method. (We all know there is no limit to the methods and technologies to help us fix ourselves!)
Once you are in the pattern of "fixing" yourself, you are sending yourself a strong message that you are a deficient human being. Your subconscious then acts on this concept to make it true for you--providing you additional information on just how deficient you really are! Unfortunately, this bad habit insidiously and rampantly weaves itself into the fabric of your life. This destructive habit easily runs amok, leading you everywhere except for where you need to be--in the present.
Is wanting to grow, bad?So is wanting to grow and transform bad? No, of course not! First of all, let me be clear that what I'm talking about here is attempts to change your "INNER being," for instance, due to self-judgment. I'm not referring to learning and doing new things because you are actively engaged in life and find learning new things interesting and fulfilling.
Allow the Divine to help youTrying to force this issue is not the answer. Instead, let the Divine help you come to a place where you no longer want/feel the need to fix yourself. How to do that? In the internal world, SEEING is the key. It would be great if you could do that without judgment or analysis, but if you can't, so be it. Just notice it. Don't try to fix your reaction now, which puts you right back in the fixing game!
Begin by getting to know yourself better. This courtship with yourself includes being attentive to your feelings, noticing how your energy is raised and lowered, the boredom and excitement you feel, the passion, the caring, the love--and the anger, the resentment, the judgment, and the fear as well. Allowing each of these experiences to complete itself keeps you clear of charges which distort and disrupt your life. And with your focused attention, comes Grace. Grace which brings about a transformation of consciousness--the transformation you are really seeking.
After all, the other option--fixing yourself--is at heart stating that the Divine has made a mistake in you, and you are now going to fix this Divine mistake! Do you indeed believe you know better than the Divine how your own personal transformation will best unfold? (If/when you do feel this way, at least feel it with full awareness.
The Divine does not expect you to fix yourself.
The Divine asks that you actively engage in your life (your goals, intentions, and related efforts are a great example of that), be aware of yourself, and request Divine assistance. You don't need to be selfless or perfect; all you need is the understanding that the Divine can do what you cannot do, and the willingness to allow the Divine to do so.
You can trust that the Divine will not "miss anything" when it comes to your evolution. Indeed the Divine wants you--your being--to evolve, as this growth supports the Divine as well. And with your transformation, comes your awakening into Oneness and your liberation.
It's all about "how much you made when you were right" & "how little you lost when you were wrong"