Smile & Laugh 03 (Apr 09 - Oct 09)

[millionairemind]

Birth Control Pills

An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”

The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice and I sleep better at night.”

[millionairemind]

Ice Fishing
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday and decided to go ice fishing. So early the next morning she got all her gear and headed out.
When she reached her destination she cut a hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: “There’s no fish in there”.

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish there.

So she moves again and the voice tells her there are no fish there. So she looks up and see’s a man looking down at her.

“How do you know there are no fish there?” asks the blonde.

So the man cooly says “Well first of all, this is a hockey rink and you’re going to have to pay for those holes.”

[Cherry]

Indian and Cat & Dog Food

An Indian goes to Australia and goes to Woolworths (A grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. The Indian goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks the Indian to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. The Sardar goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

Next week the Indian comes to Woolworths with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and immediately takes it out. He shouts at the Indian, What the FISH is this? Is this shit you Idiot?

The Indian calmly replies, “Yes, and I want to buy toilet paper.”

[Cherry]

Have a good Aussie laugh

A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the crocodile up on the bar He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. 'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.' The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth. The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really, really hard on the top of its head The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.' A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A blonde woman timidly Spoke up..........

'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle

[kennynah]

[millionairemind]

Popular Mule

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "Yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"

[millionairemind]

Got this from a friend..

晒不干
不知道算不算是笑话，可是我本身觉得还蛮好笑的

话说有一次，和男朋友到新山某商场内的某服装店买衣服。付账的时候，柜台的女售货员说了让我摸不着头脑的话，我们的对话如下：

售货员：receipt不要丢掉，晒不干的话拿回来换。
我 ：（一脸疑惑）晒不干?
售货员：对，receipt不要丢掉，标签也不要剪掉，如果晒不干的话三个月内可以拿回来换。
我 ：huh?为什么会晒不干??（心里很多问号，哪有衣服会晒不干的啊？如果真的晒不干，那也要洗过才知道啊，那如果要洗的话，就一定会把标签剪掉啊！ 越想越不对劲，根本不可能有衣服是晒不干的嘛!)
售货员：对啊，不干就拿回来换咯，可是要在三个月之内拿来换。 （还在跟我重复一样的话...我真的快疯了，很想知道为什么衣服会晒不干，难道有顾客投诉过？！）

结果我还在柜台和售货员继续牛头不对马嘴的对话了好一阵子，还是没有结论，她依然还是那句“晒不干的话拿回来换”，后来男友就过来把我拉走，到了店外面我还是很疑惑，就问我男朋友“她到底说什么晒不干啊？”然后男友就说

“她说size 不ngam就拿回来换。”


恍然大悟！！！
我发誓她的发音根本就是在说“晒不干”，令我更 的是......我男朋友竟然听得明白她在说什么！懊恼，是我理解能力太差了吗？

反正后来想起就觉得好好笑，那个sales girl应该也觉得我很奇怪吧，一直重复一样的问题..

[kennynah]

super funny lah...

[millionairemind]

Modern age grocery store

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh butter fat. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.

So far I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle.

[kennynah]

or the durex aisle...