Success University 02 (Nov 08 - Jan 09)

[kennynah]

Perseverance .....

[winston]

------------------------------------------------------------
*** Article: It Pays to Be Nice - By Bud Bilanich ***
------------------------------------------------------------

In my work as an executive coach, I have found that interpersonally competent people share at least three things in common.

1. Interpersonally competent people are self-aware. They understand themselves, and as a result they understand others.

2. Interpersonally competent people build solid, long-lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with the people in their lives.

3. Interpersonally competent people are able to resolve conflicts with a minimal amount of problems and upset to relationships.

In this article, I'd like to focus on relationships. To begin, I'd like to share a story about the importance of relationships.

A few months ago, I had a meeting with a potential client. I have known this guy for about 20 years. He was a new HR rep at the company where I worked prior to starting my consulting and coaching business. Now, he is a senior HR person with that same company, and I am an executive coach.

A few weeks previous, we had a chance meeting. I followed up and asked if I could have a few minutes of his time to tell him what I've been doing recently. He said "sure."

As we were chatting, he said something that really hit home. "When I was a young guy here, a lot of the people at your level didn't pay a lot of attention to me. That wasn't true of you. You were nice to me. I can remember you asking me if I'd like to go to lunch or dinner a few times. I was never able to make it, but I really appreciated you asking. Quite frankly, that's the whole reason you're here now. You treated me well many years ago when you didn't have to."

I told him that I really didn't remember those things. He said, "I do, and they meant a lot to me."

There is a common sense point here. Interpersonal competence comes from within. Build relationships and treat people well because it's the right thing to do -- not because you have something to gain from it. People can spot a phony a mile away.

Here are some thoughts to help you become more interpersonally competent. If you use them, you will be able to build strong, lasting relationships with the people around you.

* Work hard at relating well with all kinds of people. People who are different from you might make you feel uncomfortable at first. However, they also have the potential for teaching you something you didn't know.

* Listen well and demonstrate your understanding of others' points of view. Ask questions if you don't understand; repeat your understanding to make sure you got it right.

* Be a consensus builder. If you focus on where you agree with another person, you'll find that it will be easier to resolve differences and come to agreement.

* Learn how to relate to all kinds of people. Focus on building mutually beneficial relationships.

* Put others at ease. Be diplomatic and tactful.

* Be warm, pleasant and gracious, and sensitive to the interpersonal needs and anxieties of others.

* Be receptive to feedback.

* Take a deep breath when you are angry. Don't blow up. Present your side of things in a measured tone of voice.

* Take responsibility for your feelings. Don't blame others if you are unhappy.

* Be easy to get to know. Share your feelings. Be open about your personal beliefs.

* Be attentive to the needs of others. Listen actively. Set a goal of listening twice as much as you speak.

* Avoid judging and criticizing and preparing your response while the other person is speaking. Instead, focus on understanding what they are saying, and the emotions behind what they are saying.

* Show others the respect they deserve as human beings -- listen to them and do your best to put yourself in their shoes. Respond to the feelings they share with you before responding with facts.

* Be humble, not a know-it-all. Apologize when you're at fault. Give people credit when they are correct.

* Speak only when you have something to add to the conversation. Don't make comments just to hear yourself speak. Don't state the obvious.

* Look people in the eye when you are speaking with them. Ask questions to clarify things that are not clear to you.

* Acknowledge other people for their contributions and talents. Everyone likes to hear nice things about themselves.

The common sense point here is simple, and a little Zen-like. People can spot a phony. So don't just act in an interpersonally competent manner. Be interpersonally competent. Treat people with respect. Engage them. Listen to what they have to say. Avoid being judgmental and overly critical.

[winston]

Solve Your Problems By Throwing Them Away by Mike Brescia

------------------------------
Today's Empowering Quote
------------------------------

"I don't know who my grandfather was. I'm more concerned to know who his grandson will be."
-Abraham Lincoln

------------------------------
Today's Empowering Question
------------------------------

"Am I looking at yesterday as an excuse to fail or a reason to succeed?"

------------------------------
Today's Fast Session
------------------------------

I don't know where I first heard this little mental technique, but it was just after I moved back from California to New York in 1987. Just one of the many little grains of sand thrown on the pile that I used to help me climb out of my hole. It has served me well over the years. When you get stuck and feel that there's no way out of a situation, try this.

Write down a "problem" you're embroiled in. Write how you feel about it. Write down all the reasons you can't succeed, why you feel powerless, why it's no use to even try...

Then take that paper, wad it up in a ball and throw it away. Upon my many arcing baskets I could usually be heard saying something like, "That is the biggest pile of horse crap I've ever seen!!"

After you do this, forget about it. Yup. Put it out of your mind completely. Start some other task right away. If you do this, something magical will happen. Your subconscious mind will go to work on it. You see, when you tell yourself out loud that your pity party is hooey, that your false excuses are just that, that you're not going to listen to the lies you've told yourself for so long, your mind, the one that God gave you to use for good and noble deeds, says, "All right!! Time to do what I was created to do!"

What you'll experience is, most times, nothing short of a miracle. Often, within a day or two, you'll be driving down the road, eating a snack or raking the leaves and suddenly you'll get a huge "A-ha!!" And the answer comes.

Life being life, we all get lots of opportunities to solve problems that seem insurmountable... sometimes daily. But by programming your subconscious mind in this way, you're teaching yourself to come up with answers quickly. Soon, all "problems" become nothing more than an easy decision or two from complete resolution.

Like any good habit, though, you need to be consistent. Don't do it once, solve a big problem, never to come back to your excellent technique. How many times have you watched a sporting event and your team's strength seems to be completely underutilized by the coaching staff calling the plays. Doesn't it shock you that these guys could be so stupid not to use their best chance to win? Don't be
like that!

Grab a pen and a piece of paper... C'mon.

Soon you'll be making baskets from across the room with your little balls of paper... "Three seconds, two, one... the shot. It's good!!"

Problem solved.

[kennynah]

Solve Your Problems By Throwing Them Away by Mike Brescia
Write down a "problem" you're embroiled in. Write how you feel about it. Write down all the reasons you can't succeed, why you feel powerless, why it's no use to even try...

Then take that paper, wad it up in a ball and throw it away. Upon my many arcing baskets I could usually be heard saying something like, "That is the biggest pile of horse crap I've ever seen!!"

Often, within a day or two, you'll be driving down the road, eating a snack or raking the leaves and suddenly you'll get a huge "A-ha!!" And the answer comes.

i wish life was so simple and that problems can be thrown away and after a day or two..."a-ha" answers pop up....

hahaha.... thanks...i had a great laugh...

[winston]

Whatever you are giving your attention to is already vibrating. And when you give your attention to it, if you maintain your focus for as little as 17 seconds, you begin to include its vibration, whatever it is, in your vibration.

When you see something you want, and you give it your attention, and you say yes to it, you are including whatever its vibration is in your vibration. When you see something you do not want, and you shout no at it, you are including whatever its vibration is in your vibration.

In this vibrational world, which is everything, you are far more vibrational beings than you are verbal beings. You are communicating with everyone far more on a vibrational basis, than you are on a verbal basis.

Excerpted from a workshop in Portland, OR on Sunday, July 11th, 1999

All Is Well

[winston]

From Blame To Responsibility by Edward E. Morler

A powerful exercise is to look at what and how we blame. The faults we find in others are often indicators of what we need to look at in ourselves. If we are willing, we can use what we are upset about as a reflection to help us identify and own some aspect of ourselves that we are denying or have not recognized before.

We are responsible for our impact. Others are responsible for their impact. The more of our impact we recognize and take responsibility for, the more empowered we become. When we realize we are blaming and/or defending (symptoms of an unwillingness to confront something), we need to find and own what responsibility we’ve been avoiding and/or denying. If we are willing to use what upsets us as a mirror to look deeper and to take more responsibility for our impact, we open the door to expanded awareness, growth and empowerment.

We need to recognize and own our piece of a situation—no more, no less. Denying any of our impact, no matter how large or small, positive or negative, is disempowering to ourselves. Our willingness to observe, confront and own our part is where the opportunities for growth, maturity and personal empowerment lie.

The Gulp Stage
If we are upset and are, in effect, judging what some person did or did not do, we need to ask how we have done some form of that ourselves. There is something of a similar nature, or mirror image, that we have not recognized or owned before. When we are misemotional about someone else’s behavior, inevitably we are hiding something from ourselves. For example, if we find ourselves feeling upset with and blaming someone because he or she did not follow through as promised, it is an opportunity to look closer at how we have not been fully responsible for our own promised or implied follow-through. This is often the “gulp” stage, for it is here that we finally recognize how irresponsible we have been.

It may very well be true that another person was irresponsible and didn’t deliver as promised—and that may need to be dealt with—but the opportunity and the empowering aspect is our increased willingness to recognize and take more ownership of the impact of our own behavior.

When we shift our attention from how the other person is upsetting us (placing responsibility out there) to how we are doing something similar and have been denying it (placing respon-sibility within), three things immediately occur:

1) We are less upset (our attention has shifted from blame to being more responsible)

2) We have more positive control—we shifted our focus and intention from where we had little control (the other person) to where we have greater control (ourselves)

3) We feel lighter and more empowered (the inevitable result of taking increased responsibility for our own behavior)

Going deeper is an opportunity not only to observe an aspect of our impact for which we have not been taking responsibility, but also to recognize the pattern of how we have been irresponsible—of how we keep hidden from ourselves our real power and greatness. Only when able and willing to recognize and own that pattern can we drop the victim attitude. Only then are we willing to be personally responsible, own our inherent power, expand our options and choices and empower ourselves to manifest constructive change.

The elegance of this process is that it is not dependent on the rightness or wrongness of either party. It is dependent solely on our willingness to observe and take responsibility for our own part in creating or allowing the upsetting situation to occur.

[winston]

Passion is the Gas on Your Road Trip to Success by Anastasia Netri

When a person decides to step out of their comfort zone, push back the boundaries and move into the unknown, they are embarking on a journey. When you set out on any journey, you must first make sure you have fuel - or you won't go anywhere. Passion is the fuel that will always power you on the journey to success.

Most of the time, people feel like success with enable their passions to be realized. IT IS THE OTHER WAY AROUND. Passions enable success to be realized!

It is crucial to define what success truly is, and this is changing as we evolve. Many people understand success as having fulfillment and purpose in their lives. Have you met someone that has money but not fulfillment? This person may attain all the awards, fame, and still feel empty. This is not true success, it's actually nothing more than a bunch of things. No matter what the commercials say, things will not lead to fulfillment. However, if you feel fulfilled, "things" can be quite enjoyable! True success is having the whole package - love, freedom, money, and your passions alive in daily life.

I have been an entrepreneur for many years now. I have seen that when I lose my passion for something I cannot sustain motivation for doing it every day. It takes a lot of energy to completely self motivate when no one else is handing you a paycheck. It gets too easy to put things off, sleep late, or watch TV when passion is not a driving force in daily life.

I have a couple of recommendations for you to help you find your passion:

1. Hire a coach

I not only am a coach, I have a coach. When I understood that I needed help, my life (and my business) really began to take off. I don't know any successful entrepreneurs that have done it without a lot of help. They have been to countless seminars, read books, and hired coaches. At some point, they went deep inside to get in touch with their true desires and uncover what was in their way. The really successful people had to overcome something too, just like you do. A good coach can be an enormous help and save you a lot of time and frustration.

2. Write, write, write

This is a really effective way to stay in alignment with your passions. Writing it down brings you clarity! You've heard about making a business plan, right? Well, you may or may not need a business plan, but writing and getting clear on not only what action you need to take, but why you're doing it is really essential to true success. What benefit does all of this have in the world, and in your own life? Having this written down will be a beacon when you feel lost, you will always know exactly why you're doing it.

Your passions, those things that excite you in life, that is how your soul is communicating with you. It is through your feelings that you are guided to your destiny. It is through your destiny that you experience fulfillment. This is why you're here. You have a gift the world is waiting for. Inside those passions are those gifts. Taking the time to identify them is an investment that pays off for everyone. You have what it takes to succeed in every way, the seed is inside you right now. Water it.

[kennynah]

Passion is the Gas on Your Road Trip to Success by Anastasia Netri

2. Write, write, write

thanks W for this article.

I concur with the author that writing down our thoughts is a surest way of crystalizing our ideas solidly. if we cannot pen them down, chances are they are just floating without concrete consolidation... then we know, we haven't got it yet...

this is why many of us post in this forum. what we do is really to seek clarity in our thoughts...

[winston]

Within the seed of your desire is everything necessary for it to blossom to fulfillment. And Law of Attraction is the engine that does the work. Your work is just to give it a fertile growing place in order to expand

Excerpted from a workshop in Albuquerque, NM on Sunday, May 9th, 1999

All Is Well

[millionairemind]

Your Choices Determine Your Happiness
The power of choosing a positive attitude
Keith Harrell January 14, 2009

The quality of our lives is determined by the choices we make: which career path we take, which partner we choose, the lifestyle we embrace. Just as you have the responsibility and the power to make choices about your wardrobe, your relationships or the car you drive, you have the same responsibility and power to choose your attitude and approach to life.

I learned my first lesson in the power of choosing attitude on my first day of school. It may seem strange, considering that I make my living as a professional speaker, but I was a stutterer for most of my childhood. Until I reached school age, it never seemed to be a problem. My family always assured me that I would grow out of it. My mother and grandmother always reminded me about my uncle who’d stuttered as a child, lost it as an adolescent, and become a respected college professor. They’d tell me that I stuttered only because “your brain is working faster than your mouth.”

I never thought of it as a negative until my first day of kindergarten. I was so excited to be around the other kids and to find a desk in the front row with my name on it. Miss Peterson was a very positive, dynamic woman who glowed with energy and enthusiasm. She told us right off that she thought we were going to be the best class in the school. Then she started to go around the room asking us to say our names so everyone could get to know each other. She asked me to go first. I jumped up. Turned and faced my new classmates and started stuttering terribly because I was so excited. “My, my, my-my-my-m-m…”

I’ll never forget the girl with pigtails in the back of the room. She jumped up and said, “He can’t talk. He stutters.” Everyone laughed. Then the boy next to me looked at me and said, “You’re too tall. You shouldn’t be in our room.” The kids all giggled.

I was hurt, of course. I wanted my mom. I had never felt that kind of pain. I kept repeating those negative inputs. You’re too tall. You can’t talk. You shouldn’t be here. That feeling of “not belonging” is a terrible one, whether you are a kid in kindergarten or an adult in a corporate office. Do you remember the book Everything I Know I Learned in Kindergarten? That’s me. I learned about rejection. I learned that people can say things that hurt you. And, thanks to my mother, I learned that you can choose to not be hurt or rejected.

The voices of my classmates got louder and louder inside my head. Later in life, I learned that the strongest and most destructive voice is your own. It was true in this instance. While the teacher and my classmates went about the first day of school, I sat there talking to myself and telling myself that I didn’t belong in school. I’m too tall. I can’t talk. I want to go home. I laid low until our first recess. Then I bolted.

I ran home. We lived two miles away. I took one breath the whole way. I set the world speed record from kindergarten to the front porch. As fast as I ran, Miss Peterson was faster. My mom was hanging up the phone when I hit the porch. I ran into her arms and she gave me a world-class hug. It was the hug of a lifetime. I can still feel that hug.

I remember looking up at my mom and saying, “I’m too tall. I can’t talk. I don’t fit.”

“Miss Peterson told me what happened,” she said. “There is good news.”

Good news? I stopped crying. What good news could there be? No more kindergarten? Home-schooling with Miss Peterson?

“The good news is that you tried. I’m proud of you for that. My little man tried and even though you are not able to say your name as well as you would like, that’s OK. This is going to be a challenge but I’m convinced that if we work hard, one day, and I do mean one day, all the kids will listen when you say your name loud and clear. Son, don’t ever forget that you are special.”

My mom effectively supplanted the negative messages I’d heard from my classmates with a far more positive message. When I ran away from school it was because my inner voice had been repeating their words: You’re too tall. You talk funny. You don’t belong.

I went back to school with my mom’s words on my inner tape recorder: I’m not different, I’m special. I can learn to talk without a stutter and then they will understand.

Suddenly, I wasn’t speech-impaired. I was working on a challenge. Again, the reality had not changed; I still stuttered. But my perception of my speech impediment had changed. Another paradigm shifted, a new attitude created. And that attitude changed everything. I had a new weapon against the teasing and the mocking. I had a new attitude.

My mother taught me then and there that attitude is a choice. When I told her I couldn’t go back to school, she listened and understood what was contributing to that negative attitude. She was able to listen to the pain that fueled my fears and humiliation. She then gave me the opportunity to choose a new attitude.

You have choice. You can accept an attitude of humiliation and fear or you can take on an attitude of action. You can be a victim or a victor. You can let life run you over or you can take it on!

She showed me a way out of fear and humiliation. That’s when we went back and got very clear on some things we had to do. She gave me insight and inspiration. She showed me that even as a small, insecure boy, I had the power to choose a better way.

I’m not going to tell you that I didn’t backslide from time to time. I took speech lessons for six years and I used to lie about why I was getting out of regular class to go somewhere else. I had my days of attitudinal backsliding, anger, rejection and embarrassment. But I never forgot the lesson communicated in my mother’s hug and her words of encouragement: You are special. You can choose not to be hurt or discouraged. You can choose a positive attitude over a negative attitude. And you can overcome this challenge.

What negative messages do you repeatedly tell yourself?
What positive messages can you adopt to replace any negative ones?