Smile & Laugh 05 (Feb 10 - Jul 10)

Re: Smile & Laugh 5 (Feb 10 - Apr 10)

Postby millionairemind » Tue Mar 23, 2010 8:07 am

Put them back

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife.

‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,’ he replies.

‘Put them back, we can’t afford them,’ demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband.

‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we’re making love,’ replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: ‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser … at half the price.’
"If a speculator is correct half of the time, he is hitting a good average. Even being right 3 or 4 times out of 10 should yield a person a fortune if he has the sense to cut his losses quickly on the ventures where he has been wrong" - Bernard Baruch

Disclaimer - The author may at times own some of the stocks mentioned in this forum. All discussions are NOT to be construed as buy/sell recommendations. Readers are advised to do their own research and analysis.
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Re: Smile & Laugh 5 (Feb 10 - Apr 10)

Postby Aspellian » Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:28 pm

Microsoft and tomatoes
A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed."He said.

"Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start." The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email. " I'm sorry", said the HR manager,"If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buya 10Kg tomato crate.He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round.In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late.Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a car, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire.Can you imagine what you could have been if you had anemail?!!" The man thought for a while and replied,

" Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story: M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life. M2 - If you don't have internet, but work hard, you can be a millionaire. M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire... ... ... .

PROMISE, PASSION, PEACE, POWER, PURPOSE, PLAN, PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, PROTECTION
DELIGHT, DISCIPLINE, DILIGENT, DETERMINATION, DESIRE

"Its not whether you're right or wrong thats important, but how much money you make when you're right and how much you lose when you're wrong." - Warren Buffet
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Re: Smile & Laugh 5 (Feb 10 - Apr 10)

Postby Aspellian » Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:29 pm

Read this "HATE letter". It is so funny and creative. This is a love letter from a boy to a girl... .

However, the girl's father does not like him and want them stop their relationship... ...
and so.. the boy wrote this letter to the girl..
he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter..

1----"The great love that I have for you
2---- is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3---- grows every day. When I see you,
4---- I do not even like your face;
5---- the one thing that I want to do is to
6---- look at other girls. I never wanted to
7---- marry you. Our last conversation
8---- was very boring and has not
9---- made me look forward to seeing you again.
10--- You think only of yourself.
11--- If we were married, I know that I would find
12--- life very difficult, and I would have no
13--- pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14--- to give, but it is not something that
15--- I want to give to you. No one is more
16--- foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17--- able to care for me and help me.
18--- I sincerely want you to understand that
19--- I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20---if you think this is the end. Do not try
21--- to answer this. Your letters are full of
22--- things that do not interest me. You have no
23--- true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24--- I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25--- I am still your boyfriend."

So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read 1.3.5.7.9.11.13.15.17.19.21.23.25. (Odd Numbers)
So.. Please try reading it again! It's so smart & sweet...

PROMISE, PASSION, PEACE, POWER, PURPOSE, PLAN, PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, PROTECTION
DELIGHT, DISCIPLINE, DILIGENT, DETERMINATION, DESIRE

"Its not whether you're right or wrong thats important, but how much money you make when you're right and how much you lose when you're wrong." - Warren Buffet
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Re: Smile & Laugh 5 (Feb 10 - Apr 10)

Postby Aspellian » Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:34 pm

Only Kelisa
Boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down.

His secretary walked up to him and asked, 'Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' This was not a phrase that Her Boss understood, so he went into his Office looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his Zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering what his Secretary had told him, finally understood.

He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary. When he reached her desk, He said, 'When you saw the garage door open did you see my jaguar parked In there?' The secretary smiled for a moment and said, 'No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was an old Kelisa with 2 flat tires

Image

PROMISE, PASSION, PEACE, POWER, PURPOSE, PLAN, PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, PROTECTION
DELIGHT, DISCIPLINE, DILIGENT, DETERMINATION, DESIRE

"Its not whether you're right or wrong thats important, but how much money you make when you're right and how much you lose when you're wrong." - Warren Buffet
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Re: Smile & Laugh 5 (Feb 10 - Apr 10)

Postby Aspellian » Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:36 pm

As an Investment Forum, its important to understand the following concepts well when we analyse companies!!
:lol: :mrgreen:
10 Marketing Concepts

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's DIRECT MARKETING.

2. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him!"
That's ADVERTISING.

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call her and say, "Hi, I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's TELEMARKETING.

4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You get up and straighten your tie. You walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her. You pick up her bag after she drops it. You offer her a ride and you say, "By the way, I am very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's PUBLIC RELATIONS.

5. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich. Can you marry me?"
That's BRAND RECOGNITION.

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's CUSTOMER FEEDBACK.

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and say, I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.
That's DEMAND AND SUPPLY GAP.

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say anything, another person comes along and tells her, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's MARKET COMPETITION.

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say anything, another person comes along and tells her, "I am very rich. Marry me! And she follows him.
That's LOSING MARKET SHARE.

10. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" YOUR WIFE TURNS UP!
That's BARRIER TO NEW MARKET ENTRY

PROMISE, PASSION, PEACE, POWER, PURPOSE, PLAN, PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, PROTECTION
DELIGHT, DISCIPLINE, DILIGENT, DETERMINATION, DESIRE

"Its not whether you're right or wrong thats important, but how much money you make when you're right and how much you lose when you're wrong." - Warren Buffet
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Re: Smile & Laugh 5 (Feb 10 - Apr 10)

Postby millionairemind » Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:43 pm

Your jokes very funny.. :lol:
"If a speculator is correct half of the time, he is hitting a good average. Even being right 3 or 4 times out of 10 should yield a person a fortune if he has the sense to cut his losses quickly on the ventures where he has been wrong" - Bernard Baruch

Disclaimer - The author may at times own some of the stocks mentioned in this forum. All discussions are NOT to be construed as buy/sell recommendations. Readers are advised to do their own research and analysis.
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Re: Smile & Laugh 5 (Feb 10 - Apr 10)

Postby Aspellian » Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:45 pm

hahaha! I am actually inspired by yours! :lol:
Let this world be filled with more laughter, joy and praise! :mrgreen:

PROMISE, PASSION, PEACE, POWER, PURPOSE, PLAN, PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, PROTECTION
DELIGHT, DISCIPLINE, DILIGENT, DETERMINATION, DESIRE

"Its not whether you're right or wrong thats important, but how much money you make when you're right and how much you lose when you're wrong." - Warren Buffet
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Re: Smile & Laugh 5 (Feb 10 - Apr 10)

Postby millionairemind » Wed Mar 24, 2010 12:38 pm

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man...
Dum Gai

Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive...
Yu Stin Ki Pu
"If a speculator is correct half of the time, he is hitting a good average. Even being right 3 or 4 times out of 10 should yield a person a fortune if he has the sense to cut his losses quickly on the ventures where he has been wrong" - Bernard Baruch

Disclaimer - The author may at times own some of the stocks mentioned in this forum. All discussions are NOT to be construed as buy/sell recommendations. Readers are advised to do their own research and analysis.
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Re: Smile & Laugh 5 (Feb 10 - Apr 10)

Postby millionairemind » Wed Mar 24, 2010 6:54 pm

Anyone Here

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?"

Then she heard a voice from far, far away:

"Hello! We're down here..."
"If a speculator is correct half of the time, he is hitting a good average. Even being right 3 or 4 times out of 10 should yield a person a fortune if he has the sense to cut his losses quickly on the ventures where he has been wrong" - Bernard Baruch

Disclaimer - The author may at times own some of the stocks mentioned in this forum. All discussions are NOT to be construed as buy/sell recommendations. Readers are advised to do their own research and analysis.
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Re: Smile & Laugh 5 (Feb 10 - Apr 10)

Postby Aspellian » Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:13 pm

Commitment

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

"Great idea!" the chicken cried. "Let's offer them ham and eggs?"

"Not so fast," said the pig. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."

Image

PROMISE, PASSION, PEACE, POWER, PURPOSE, PLAN, PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, PROTECTION
DELIGHT, DISCIPLINE, DILIGENT, DETERMINATION, DESIRE

"Its not whether you're right or wrong thats important, but how much money you make when you're right and how much you lose when you're wrong." - Warren Buffet
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