Family & Parenthood 02 (Jan 10 - Aug 10)

[winston]

10 Resolutions for parents28 December 2009 By BRIGITTE ROZARIO

It's that time of the year when we are grateful for lots of public holidays this month, clearing leave and all the good things that happened in the year. As we prepare our children for the new school year, we remain hopeful of being better parents, better providers and having happier families in 2010.

With that in mind, ParenThots has come up with a list of 10 resolutions for all parents:

1) Spend more time with the children.
Your children will grow up fast and before you know it they're going to university and then going abroad or moving out of the house. So, spend as much time as you can with them now while they still want you in their lives and want to spend time with you. This is where you build that parent-child bond which will hopefully last until you're old.

2) Stop being kiasu (overly competitive).
It's always good to be competitive but don't overdo it. Your child's happiness must always come first. Don't force your child to keep going for more classes and activities just so you can brag about how well your child does at school or music or dance.

3) Take time to better communicate with the children, collectively and individually.
You need to listen to your children and spend time individually with them. They will remember it for the rest of their lives and this will strengthen your bond with them. If something is wrong or if you're upset about something, calm down first before talking to your child and explaining how you feel and why you feel this way.

Your child will sense if something is wrong in the family – if you and your husband are going through a rough patch or if you have money problems – so it's best to explain it to him or her in the best and simplest way that you can.

4) Stop comparing your children to other people's children.
Your children have their own strengths and weaknesses and should never be compared to other people's kids. Remember how you hated it when your parents used to do that? So, don't do that to your child. It's okay if he's really bad at Maths. He may have a heart of gold and isn't that better that being brilliant at Maths?

5) Encourage the children in what they are passionate about even if you think it's a waste of time.
Times have changed from when we were children. Today, our children are more interested in social networks and being in touch with their friends. It's not necessarily a bad thing as we too network for work. What may seem like a trivial interest to you means the world to your child and nothing would please them more than seeing you take an interest in it. Would it hurt to show some support?

6) Stop beating yourself up if you make a mistake as a parent.
We all make mistakes in our lives on a daily basis. Parenting is not excluded. Nobody is perfect and there are no perfect parents so don't beat yourself up over mistakes. Learn from your mistakes and move on. By doing that you demonstrate to your children how to deal with mistakes so that they too can apply the same attitude in their own lives.

7) Make time for your spouse.
This is ultra important. Happy parents make happy children. Your children feed off your energy. If the parents are warring, the children will know it (even if it's a cold war). They will not feel happy being in a home where mum and dad are constantly bickering or if mum and dad are not talking to each other.

Keep communicating and spending time with your spouse so that your kids and your spouse will be happy and this makes for a happy family with a strong bond.

8) Stop farming out parenting to the maid and / or babysitter.
The maid and the babysitter have roles. Their job might be to clean house and keep an eye on your children but draw the line at the maid taking care of your sick child who needs you at night or making the babysitter comfort your child. T

hey can be there for temporary help and support but ultimately your child should come to you when they need help, are in trouble or just want a hug. You do not want to have your child running to the maid instead of you when they hurt themselves.

9) Get healthy.
It's time to stop smoking, cut down on sugar and stop drinking. If you don't care about your health, think about your children. They need and deserve healthy parents who will be around to watch them get married and have children of their own. Plus, you don't want to expose them to the risk of getting cancer because they've had to breathe in the smoke from your cigarettes.

Make them get healthy too by cutting down on the sweets and chocolates and getting to eat more vegetables and fruits. A healthy family is a happy family.

10) Have fun.
Parenting should not be all serious and by the book. Learn to laugh at yourself and your mistakes and have fun with parenting. Be creative in bringing up your child. Remember, you are building a bond with your child and you want your child to have happy memories of their childhood, so don't always be the strict disciplinarian. Have fun when you can.

http://parenthots.com/features/10-Resol ... rents.aspx

[winston]

Becoming a better person starts with trying to make the people in your immediate family happier. by Michael Masterson

Your spouse and children, mother and father, aunts and uncles, and nieces and nephews were not brought into this world to solve your problems. That's your job. Resolve to spend less time complaining to them and more time listening to their complaints.

Smile when you see them. Give them the time and attention they need to share their dreams and ambitions with you. Give them the advice they want and shut up when they don't want any. Become the person they turn to when the chips are down. Learn to love their peccadilloes and encourage them to overcome their faults.

Above all, be loyal to them.

Be a reliable and steady resource for your business colleagues, too. Help them achieve their goals -- not because you want their support but simply because you want them to succeed.

And do something for people you don't know -- a stranger you come upon, a foster child, or a sick or poor person who can benefit from your help. Spend money. Spend time. Most of all, spend your love.

Make this outward focus a natural part of your daily life. Do it purposefully and deliberately until it becomes second nature to you.

This is not the kind of goal one can achieve in a single year. It will be on my list next year. Perhaps it will be on your list too.

Source: ETR

[millionairemind]

My son starts Primary 1 in 2 days' time.. another milestone

I can't wait for him to go to Primary 1 (other than the fact that I will save a ton of school fees ). Its like a big step up from Kindergarten. I am sure he will do fine, both academically and socially. Actually I am more concerned with a child's social development than I am of his/her academic development.

The reason is because throughout my corporate career, I have observed that those who rise the fastest are not usually the smartest, but the ones that produce good quality work, able to manage his peers, subordinates and bosses well. This takes lots of social skills (EQ in short). He needs the skills to do good work and get noticed by his bosses. He will need skills to manage his peers and subordinates so that when he gets promoted, people below him and those who work with him will actually be happy to see him promoted, instead of asking for his demise.

I remember the parent-teacher conference during Kindergarten. The teacher keeps wanting to tell me that "he does not color within the lines" and "he likes to finish his work quickly so that he can go and play". My response is "OK, I will look into it" and I will always follow up with "how does he get along with the boys and girls in his class? Does he play well with them? Is he able to lead them?"

Boy, time flies.... Its going to be a brand new journey for us both, as he begins his Primary school education

[Musicwhiz]

My son starts Primary 1 in 2 days' time.. another milestone

I can't wait for him to go to Primary 1 (other than the fact that I will save a ton of school fees ). Its like a big step up from Kindergarten. I am sure he will do fine, both academically and socially. Actually I am more concerned with a child's social development than I am of his/her academic development.

The reason is because throughout my corporate career, I have observed that those who rise the fastest are not usually the smartest, but the ones that produce good quality work, able to manage his peers, subordinates and bosses well. This takes lots of social skills (EQ in short). He needs the skills to do good work and get noticed by his bosses. He will need skills to manage his peers and subordinates so that when he gets promoted, people below him and those who work with him will actually be happy to see him promoted, instead of asking for his demise.

I remember the parent-teacher conference during Kindergarten. The teacher keeps wanting to tell me that "he does not color within the lines" and "he likes to finish his work quickly so that he can go and play". My response is "OK, I will look into it" and I will always follow up with "how does he get along with the boys and girls in his class? Does he play well with them? Is he able to lead them?"

Boy, time flies.... Its going to be a brand new journey for us both, as he begins his Primary school education

Haha now you make me wish my parents and teachers had focused more on my social skills than my results. I was always kind of the oddball who didn't belong in school, the outcast who didn't think the same as the rest. Academic results were not a problem but fitting in was. Come to think of it, if I had worked on those social skills I may be doing much better in my career than I am now.

No use regretting though - now's the time to focus on my girl and make sure the same mistakes do not occur again for her.

[helios]

Some random thoughts:-

maybe, MM's boy boy will get to know MW's girl girl later ... ... ha ... another milestone!

imagine that both will inherit their parent's super invest-genes!

[iam802]

Ok, here's the next milestone for MM... complain about the school, the teachers (except the Mrs), the HOD, the-other-kid, the-other-parent, ....and more.

But, those are just me spouting nonsense.

I think kids will do well fitting in...so long as they spend less time playing computers and studying.

They do need to have sufficient time watching TV programs, as that will be the common topics among kids (not the schoolwork).

Enjoy Primary School (again)

[kennynah]

802 : hahahaha.... funny fella...

but i do think that parents must also have a life that doesnt just centre around children...and children will find their way around life's maze eventually...that's what living is about, isn't it...gaining experiences thru sometimes unplanned surprises...

and in the words of the legendary Bruce Lee : No way, is the way

[Musicwhiz]

I think life may be far more complex for kids these days compared to when I was young.

There are so many more electronic gadgets out there! Everything from mobile phones, iPods, iPhones, PSP, PS3, XBOX etc.....

When I was young there was just ATARI.....and the humble Datamini XT PC in Monochrome.

So I think there's a tendency for children to be more materialistic these days. Correct me if I am wrong.....

[millionairemind]

I think life may be far more complex for kids these days compared to when I was young.

There are so many more electronic gadgets out there! Everything from mobile phones, iPods, iPhones, PSP, PS3, XBOX etc.....

When I was young there was just ATARI.....and the humble Datamini XT PC in Monochrome.

So I think there's a tendency for children to be more materialistic these days. Correct me if I am wrong.....

Well, its up to the parents to set the boundaries and fix the rules. My home will never have a XBOX or a PSP. This is the agreement I have with the Mrs. cos' I have seen how these turn boys into "life support zombies".

[Musicwhiz]

I think life may be far more complex for kids these days compared to when I was young.

There are so many more electronic gadgets out there! Everything from mobile phones, iPods, iPhones, PSP, PS3, XBOX etc.....

When I was young there was just ATARI.....and the humble Datamini XT PC in Monochrome.

So I think there's a tendency for children to be more materialistic these days. Correct me if I am wrong.....

Well, its up to the parents to set the boundaries and fix the rules. My home will never have a XBOX or a PSP. This is the agreement I have with the Mrs. cos' I have seen how these turn boys into "life support zombies".

So what kinds of games would you recommend? Card games, board games and stuff? Toy cars? Soft toys?

I also agree with you that these electronic gadgets are bad for kids.