The woman in the mirror
August 15, 2006, 3:07pm
Twang Kuanyi
Caution: Biography ahead. But it’s a life story worth taking time to read. Abigail Chay, whose personal story appears on the aptly-named Channel 5 series Life Stories tonight, shared with us what it meant be true to oneself.
“Have some chocolates,†was the very warm greeting I received from Abigail Chay when I entered the room for a chat with her on her appearance in the local real-life drama series Life Stories.
And what a spread of chocolates it was - dark, white, alcoholic. It was like she went to Charlie’s chocolate factory and said ‘one of everything please’. Wearing a dress with a green shawl, Abigail is a picture of joy and radiance with her sunshine smile.
Behind that beam used to be a man determined to go against the odds to make his dreams come true.
The Early Years
Since he was young, Abigail formerly known Caesar Chay (“I was named Caesar because I was a baby born through a Caesarian operation,â€) knew he was a woman trapped in a man’s body and he grew up wishing and hoping that somehow things would change for him.
“My childhood to my teenage years were spent hoping that I could become a real woman, so that my fantasy can become real, and it won’t be wrong.â€
It wasn’t long before Caesar came to realize that he was different from other guys his age. “All the guys in school will say “why don’t we do this and that†(presumably dangerous stuff) and I would say ‘no lah, so dangerous…’ you know, that kind of stuff.â€
When he became a teenager, he had to grapple with feelings he couldn’t understand. Although he had a girlfriend (“Haha! You must watch the program to see how I handled that girl!â€), he found himself attracted to guys. “I started to fall for guys and have secret admiration for them, and I felt very wrong for that and that made me want to be a woman so that legally I can do it (love guys) without making excuses. It’s lucky we are living in this age, where sex change is possible, if not I will be miserable!â€
They didn’t turn me away
By the time he turned 21 (Yes, he did serve his National Service.), he knew the time was right to make the change. But his decision was met with mixed reactions and his relationship with his parents went through a roller coaster ride.
“It was like, accept, conflict, make up, trying to understand further, and finally they made a decision to support me. I did my best to please them while getting what I want, which is the (sex) change. There was a lot of compromise on both sides. My parents could have easily called me a disgrace or driven me out of the house but they didn’t. They willed themselves to help and support me.â€
Caesar’s friends who were mostly from the fashion line were also nothing short of supportive and began encouraging him to take that bold step towards his dream. Caesar finally did had his sex change procedure done in Singapore at the age of 21. “They used to do it (the operation) in Singapore, and I did a private operation, because the government hospital had a long queue, and I couldn’t wait. Watch the show to find out why!â€, she teased.
Recovery was a lot less painful that initially expected, probably aided in part by the exhilaration of a long-awaited dream come true. “After the change I bled very little and the extra blood they ordered for me was not used at all. I actually was very excited, because I wanted to see if my dream was coming true and I jumped and was like “Eh? No pain! Haha!†After one week I could go out and enjoy life as a legalized woman, and within one week I went to apply for new IC, showing all the documents that I am biologically transformed.†And from then on, she will be known as Abigail Chay.
Tolerance of Steel
From being asked if she had a brother, or facing straight shooters who would ask immediately if she was a guy or a girl, or bisexual, she claimed she never got angry. “I will just tell them my Identity Card (IC) says female. Usually they will be like okay, okay. Unless they really want to knock the ice till it becomes ice kacang Haha!â€
Running into old friends from NS were also tearful encounters, usually on the other party’s end! “When they meet me they tend to be very drama and cry. During my NS and school days I didn’t deliberately act girly. During my primary school days, people disturbed me but because of that I was very careful with my mannerisms. And I believed femininity is not based on how well you gesture-ise yourself, but how sincere you are and how soft you are when you deal with people.â€
Our conversation flowed freely and was peppered with lots of laughter in part because Abigail has an ability to laugh at herself. Like when we asked her if people whisper behind her back, she replied very chirpily, “If they whistle I take it as a compliment.†When we corrected her by telling her we meant whisper, not whistle, she laughed loudly and said, “Oh WHISPER? Oh dear oh! You see? Wishful thinking… Haha! Yes, people whisper and point and all that but it’s alright… you can’t get angry at people’s curiosity.â€
So when we asked if she had gotten whistled at before, she said that yes, she has gotten a few whistles in her time. And we don’t mean the kind referees use. “Yah… some do it to pay a compliment… but some are to say “Ohh here comes that…dot dot dot dot dot…â€
What to her is the biggest advantage and disadvantage of being a woman? “Advantage is I like wearing high heels. The disadvantage is, your high heels might break and you might twist your ankle!†she laughed heartily.
Man… I feel like a woman
Since the operation, life for Abigail has been smooth-sailing. She has found a good job teaching childcare speech and drama classes and communications classes for senior citizens and has been at it for 10 years now. She also does standup comedy for dinner and dances, and skits for certain events. “That’s how I pay for my livelihood,†she explained with a contented chuckle.
Abigail has been involved in some MediaCorp productions. You might remember her in roles such as in Masters of the Sea or having cameo-ed as Paul’s love interest in Channel 5 sitcom Under One Roof. She also starred in local movie Money No Enough and most recently, she played a lonely ghost in sitcom Maggi & Me. She has also done a good number of theatrical performances, including Crystal Boys where she played an effeminate gay (ironic was how she described her role) and even the Christmas Bride, a role she co-wrote and played the lead in.
Oprah Winfrey, Abigail style
Having acting roles is all well and good, but Abigail has bigger dreams of being Singapore’s Oprah Winfrey with her own talkshow.
“I see people coming in with a certain set of problems, and they want to share it just like my case. They want to be transparent (reveal their feelings), and in the midst there will be a psychologist, or a social worker or someone who is relevant for the problem.†Such a programme, she envisioned, will be an outlet for people to share their problems and have them solved by an expert. And she wants to be known as ‘Aunt Harmony’. “I want to harmonise people with their problemsâ€.
The ones that got away
Abigail has since had a series of serious boyfriends. But what went wrong in those relationships? “The main basis of the problem is they can find you very nice, they can even decide to marry you, but when they think about what people will say, like “Eh your girlfriend or wife is sex change ar? Eh, cannot give birth ar?†They will get paranoid and they will give up. They will like just not want to continue on, they feel pressurized. But that was many years ago. I don’t know, maybe now different got hope. So maybe the more transparent (open) you are, men will fall for you Haha! At least I got hope.â€
Abigail also harbours hope of being a wife and mother. “Who knows, with the advancements in science, maybe when I’m 50 plus I can still be a mother! I think the main thing is to have hope.â€
Abigail’s dreams did not end with the sex change. Her life has only just begun.
“I want to earn more money to make it up to my dad now. Since I didn’t make up enough to my mom during her lifetime, now I hope I can earn more money and give my father a better life. I hope to support him better.â€