Life 03 (Jun 09 - Jul 09)

Re: Life (Jun09 - Jul09)

Postby kennynah » Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:44 pm

The woman in the mirror

August 15, 2006, 3:07pm
Twang Kuanyi

Caution: Biography ahead. But it’s a life story worth taking time to read. Abigail Chay, whose personal story appears on the aptly-named Channel 5 series Life Stories tonight, shared with us what it meant be true to oneself.

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“Have some chocolates,” was the very warm greeting I received from Abigail Chay when I entered the room for a chat with her on her appearance in the local real-life drama series Life Stories.

And what a spread of chocolates it was - dark, white, alcoholic. It was like she went to Charlie’s chocolate factory and said ‘one of everything please’. Wearing a dress with a green shawl, Abigail is a picture of joy and radiance with her sunshine smile.

Behind that beam used to be a man determined to go against the odds to make his dreams come true.

The Early Years
Since he was young, Abigail formerly known Caesar Chay (“I was named Caesar because I was a baby born through a Caesarian operation,”) knew he was a woman trapped in a man’s body and he grew up wishing and hoping that somehow things would change for him.

“My childhood to my teenage years were spent hoping that I could become a real woman, so that my fantasy can become real, and it won’t be wrong.”

It wasn’t long before Caesar came to realize that he was different from other guys his age. “All the guys in school will say “why don’t we do this and that” (presumably dangerous stuff) and I would say ‘no lah, so dangerous…’ you know, that kind of stuff.”

When he became a teenager, he had to grapple with feelings he couldn’t understand. Although he had a girlfriend (“Haha! You must watch the program to see how I handled that girl!”), he found himself attracted to guys. “I started to fall for guys and have secret admiration for them, and I felt very wrong for that and that made me want to be a woman so that legally I can do it (love guys) without making excuses. It’s lucky we are living in this age, where sex change is possible, if not I will be miserable!”

They didn’t turn me away
By the time he turned 21 (Yes, he did serve his National Service.), he knew the time was right to make the change. But his decision was met with mixed reactions and his relationship with his parents went through a roller coaster ride.

“It was like, accept, conflict, make up, trying to understand further, and finally they made a decision to support me. I did my best to please them while getting what I want, which is the (sex) change. There was a lot of compromise on both sides. My parents could have easily called me a disgrace or driven me out of the house but they didn’t. They willed themselves to help and support me.”

Caesar’s friends who were mostly from the fashion line were also nothing short of supportive and began encouraging him to take that bold step towards his dream. Caesar finally did had his sex change procedure done in Singapore at the age of 21. “They used to do it (the operation) in Singapore, and I did a private operation, because the government hospital had a long queue, and I couldn’t wait. Watch the show to find out why!”, she teased.

Recovery was a lot less painful that initially expected, probably aided in part by the exhilaration of a long-awaited dream come true. “After the change I bled very little and the extra blood they ordered for me was not used at all. I actually was very excited, because I wanted to see if my dream was coming true and I jumped and was like “Eh? No pain! Haha!” After one week I could go out and enjoy life as a legalized woman, and within one week I went to apply for new IC, showing all the documents that I am biologically transformed.” And from then on, she will be known as Abigail Chay.

Tolerance of Steel
From being asked if she had a brother, or facing straight shooters who would ask immediately if she was a guy or a girl, or bisexual, she claimed she never got angry. “I will just tell them my Identity Card (IC) says female. Usually they will be like okay, okay. Unless they really want to knock the ice till it becomes ice kacang Haha!”

Running into old friends from NS were also tearful encounters, usually on the other party’s end! “When they meet me they tend to be very drama and cry. During my NS and school days I didn’t deliberately act girly. During my primary school days, people disturbed me but because of that I was very careful with my mannerisms. And I believed femininity is not based on how well you gesture-ise yourself, but how sincere you are and how soft you are when you deal with people.”

Our conversation flowed freely and was peppered with lots of laughter in part because Abigail has an ability to laugh at herself. Like when we asked her if people whisper behind her back, she replied very chirpily, “If they whistle I take it as a compliment.” When we corrected her by telling her we meant whisper, not whistle, she laughed loudly and said, “Oh WHISPER? Oh dear oh! You see? Wishful thinking… Haha! Yes, people whisper and point and all that but it’s alright… you can’t get angry at people’s curiosity.”

So when we asked if she had gotten whistled at before, she said that yes, she has gotten a few whistles in her time. And we don’t mean the kind referees use. “Yah… some do it to pay a compliment… but some are to say “Ohh here comes that…dot dot dot dot dot…”

What to her is the biggest advantage and disadvantage of being a woman? “Advantage is I like wearing high heels. The disadvantage is, your high heels might break and you might twist your ankle!” she laughed heartily.

Man… I feel like a woman
Since the operation, life for Abigail has been smooth-sailing. She has found a good job teaching childcare speech and drama classes and communications classes for senior citizens and has been at it for 10 years now. She also does standup comedy for dinner and dances, and skits for certain events. “That’s how I pay for my livelihood,” she explained with a contented chuckle.

Abigail has been involved in some MediaCorp productions. You might remember her in roles such as in Masters of the Sea or having cameo-ed as Paul’s love interest in Channel 5 sitcom Under One Roof. She also starred in local movie Money No Enough and most recently, she played a lonely ghost in sitcom Maggi & Me. She has also done a good number of theatrical performances, including Crystal Boys where she played an effeminate gay (ironic was how she described her role) and even the Christmas Bride, a role she co-wrote and played the lead in.

Oprah Winfrey, Abigail style
Having acting roles is all well and good, but Abigail has bigger dreams of being Singapore’s Oprah Winfrey with her own talkshow.

“I see people coming in with a certain set of problems, and they want to share it just like my case. They want to be transparent (reveal their feelings), and in the midst there will be a psychologist, or a social worker or someone who is relevant for the problem.” Such a programme, she envisioned, will be an outlet for people to share their problems and have them solved by an expert. And she wants to be known as ‘Aunt Harmony’. “I want to harmonise people with their problems”.

The ones that got away
Abigail has since had a series of serious boyfriends. But what went wrong in those relationships? “The main basis of the problem is they can find you very nice, they can even decide to marry you, but when they think about what people will say, like “Eh your girlfriend or wife is sex change ar? Eh, cannot give birth ar?” They will get paranoid and they will give up. They will like just not want to continue on, they feel pressurized. But that was many years ago. I don’t know, maybe now different got hope. So maybe the more transparent (open) you are, men will fall for you Haha! At least I got hope.”

Abigail also harbours hope of being a wife and mother. “Who knows, with the advancements in science, maybe when I’m 50 plus I can still be a mother! I think the main thing is to have hope.”

Abigail’s dreams did not end with the sex change. Her life has only just begun.

“I want to earn more money to make it up to my dad now. Since I didn’t make up enough to my mom during her lifetime, now I hope I can earn more money and give my father a better life. I hope to support him better.”
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Re: Life (Jun09 - Jul09)

Postby millionairemind » Fri Jul 24, 2009 2:04 pm

Its good to read that she followed her heart and did right by herself.

It's sad to read stories like these actually, on women being trapped in men's body when born or vice versa...
"If a speculator is correct half of the time, he is hitting a good average. Even being right 3 or 4 times out of 10 should yield a person a fortune if he has the sense to cut his losses quickly on the ventures where he has been wrong" - Bernard Baruch

Disclaimer - The author may at times own some of the stocks mentioned in this forum. All discussions are NOT to be construed as buy/sell recommendations. Readers are advised to do their own research and analysis.
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Re: Life (Jun09 - Jul09)

Postby winston » Fri Jul 24, 2009 2:38 pm

Every thought that you think is vibrating at a very personal frequency . . . and by the powerful Law of Attraction (the essence of that which is like unto itself, is drawn), that thought is now attracting another thought that is its Vibrational Match.

And now, those combined thoughts are vibrating at a frequency that is higher than the thought that came before; and they will now, by the Law of Attraction, attract another and another and another, until eventually the thoughts will be powerful enough to attract a "real life" situation or manifestation.

--- Abraham

Excerpted from the book "Money and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Health, Wealth and Happiness"
It's all about "how much you made when you were right" & "how little you lost when you were wrong"
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Re: Life (Jun09 - Jul09)

Postby kennynah » Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:32 pm

Habit : [hab-it]

–noun
an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary: the habit of looking both ways before crossing the street.
*******************

above is but one meaning to the word Habit...

as the meaning suggests, we become involuntary victims to our own repeated wrong actions... this can be said if we do not have a set of proper trading/investment discipline.

like an untrained golfer, we can try to learn the swing by watching and emulating those who are good...but for most times, we cannot be proficient at this game without some form of proper guidance.

the most damaging effect is that we continue with those wrong strokes and wondering why we simply cant get that PC and play on the green.

in the same vein, if we do not get proper training/education about trading/investing, we may take a much longer time to figure out the art and science of investing or may never acquire the proper knowledge to do so successfully.

there's no investment/trading school per se... most people acquire the investing skills from reading books and simply through trial and error, with disastrous financial consequences...

for both the rookies and the old hands at investing/trading, perhaps we should consider seriously, getting proper training before proceeding to invest our hard earned (even lottery winnings) money into the market place.... rather than to allow old and bad investing habits get the better of us.. most often, it is those bad trading/investing habits that do us in...

as to where to turn to for training....

this is why i am posting this .... i am seeking your suggestions.... wahahahaha... :mrgreen:

**********
another meaning of the word Habit is

the attire worn by a rider of a saddle horse.

so..if the horse's name is also habit...then, the usage could be ....

jockey jones has the habit of wearing his favourite habit when riding habit...

or

jockey jones is IN his favourite habit (the horse or his attire?)
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Re: Life (Jun09 - Jul09)

Postby winston » Sat Jul 25, 2009 6:30 am

The physical is subordinate to the spiritual.

The body is the cart and the spirit, the horse. To not follow the disciplines imposed for betterment, is as absurd as putting the cart before the horse. Of course, the cart should be kept in good condition. Vice ruins the body and makes it unfit for the journey of life.

The mind is the horse. It is starved, neglected and not groomed for the journey. Achieve lasting joy and do not throw way precious years of life in silly adventures. Develop faith and do not be turned away by your egoism or other's cynicism. With wisdom and detachment, your hearts will bloom with fragrant beauty.

- Divine Discourse, June 1, 1977.

Source: radiosai.org
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Re: Life (Jun09 - Jul09)

Postby winston » Sat Jul 25, 2009 7:07 am

Just Be, You Are Good

There is nothing you HAVE to do. There is nothing you SHOULD do. There is nothing you are SUPPOSED to do.

Just be. Just exist. Just enjoy. Just play. Just have fun. Just love. Just express. Just thrive. Just feel. Just live.

You don't have to prove anything. You don't have to become anything. You don't have to get anywhere. You don't have to justify yourself. You don't have to validate your existence.

God loves you. The Universe loves you. I love you.

You belong here. You are wanted here. You are home.

Life is good. You are good.

Source: www.FollowYourSoul.com.
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Re: Life (Jun09 - Jul09)

Postby winston » Sat Jul 25, 2009 1:52 pm

The Beginning of Wisdom by Alexander Green, Spiritual Wealth

I watched in horror last week as my eleven-year-old daughter Hannah plunged 150 feet down Cheakamus Canyon toward the river raging below.

My wife Karen and I had both tried to talk her out of it. But she wouldn't be dissuaded.

She wanted to jump.

Of course, she was attached to a bungee cord, one that "exceeded Australian specifications" (whatever that means). And Whistler Bungee -an hour north of Vancouver and just below Whistler's 2010 Olympic Village - has been in business for seven years with a perfect safety record.

Still... I got the willies just looking down through the 300' span as we crossed it. This was a murderous height. It would have taken at least three burly men to get me out on that platform.

"You don't have any problem with this?" I asked a member of Canada's Olympic ski team who was suiting up for a jump as we arrived.

"Not at all," she laughed. "What could go wrong?"

"That's the difference between you and me," I said. "I have more imagination than that."

Of course, I knew my fear was emotional not rational, otherwise I would never have let my daughter jump.

That she wanted to jump still astonishes me. After all, this is the same girl who insists on cracking her bedroom door at night so she can see the light in the hallway.

We hate to admit it but most of our fears are irrational. Everyday life just isn't that dangerous anymore. Technology, engineering and modern medicine have eliminated most of the sharp edges.

Yet we can't escape our past. Our fears evolved as a basic survival mechanism. They arise in response to perceived threats, triggering a "fight or flight" response.

For most of us, it's flight (or avoidance). And studies show our fears are fairly universal: spiders, snakes, heights (...yo), public speaking and death.

As Jerry Seinfeld once said, "According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Does that sound right? This means at a funeral most people would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy."

Our greatest inhibitor, of course, is fear of failure.

Consciously or not, it can paralyze us, keeping us from applying for the promotion, taking the risk, meeting the girl, asking for the order, experiencing the unknown.

It's always easier to stick with the safe, the comfortable, the familiar.

Yet every time we choose safety we reinforce fear. We nurture it. Only when we overcome this debilitating emotion do we really begin to live.

"He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life," said Ralph Waldo Emerson.

How is fear conquered? By doing what we think you can't do, again and again.

When I was young, for example, public speaking made me nervous. Today I relish the opportunity.

After a particularly turbulent flight thirty years ago, I was a white-knuckle flier. Now I can't keep track of all the frequent flier miles.

Fear is the great barrier to success. It gives small things big shadows. It is the inverse of faith, trapping us between regret for the past and anxiety about the future.

Yet few things warrant the fear we grant them. We run not from genuine threats but imaginary bogeymen.

Perhaps that's why philosopher Bertrand Russell said, "to conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom."

And the rewards are many. Waiting for you on the other side of fear is freedom: Freedom from anxiety. Freedom from regret. Freedom from a life unlived.

Fortune, it turns out, really does favor the brave.

As Marianne Williamson writes, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? ...We are all meant to shine, as children do. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Does this mean - like Hannah - that I'm willing to embrace "Whistler's Ultimate Adrenaline Rush" and plummet toward the Cheakamus River?

That depends. How many burly guys have you got?
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Re: Life (Jun09 - Jul09)

Postby winston » Sat Jul 25, 2009 2:47 pm

The self hides under every stone

The self hides in many ways, under every stone, the self can hide in compassion, going to India and looking after poor people, because the self is attached to some idea, faith, conclusion, belief, which makes me compassionate because I love Jesus or Krishna, and I go up to heaven.

The self has many masks, the mask of meditation, the mask of achieving the highest, the mask that I am enlightened, that “I know of what I speak.”

All this concern about humanity is another mask. So one has to have an extraordinary, subtle, quick brain to see where it is hiding. It requires great attention, watching, watching, watching.

On Mind and Thought, p 133

Sourxe: jkrishnamurthi.com
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Re: Life (Jun09 - Jul09)

Postby winston » Sun Jul 26, 2009 7:03 am

Accept the ideal of a disciplined life. Do not set bad examples for your own children.

Animal instincts and impulses have persisted in human nature as vestiges and only when their upsurge is controlled and gradually eliminated, the springs of Divinity can manifest. Nature can be modified by nurture.

Open yourself gladly to the influence of holy company to help you to accomplish this goal. A disciplined life is the best offering you can make to the country or to the Divine in you.

- Divine Discourse, Aug 17, 1977.

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Re: Life (Jun09 - Jul09)

Postby winston » Sun Jul 26, 2009 10:33 am

You are nothing

Why do we store up flattery and insult, hurt and affection? Without this accumulation of experiences and their responses, we are not; we are nothing if we have no name, no attachment, no belief.

It is the fear of being nothing that compels us to accumulate; and it is this very fear, whether conscious or unconscious, that, in spite of our accumulative activities, brings about our disintegration and destruction. If we can be aware of the truth of this fear, then it is the truth that liberates us from it, and not our purposeful determination to be free.

You are nothing. You may have your name and title, your property and bank account, you may have power and be famous; but in spite of all these safeguards, you are as nothing. You may be totally unaware of this emptiness, this nothingness, or you may simply not want to be aware of it; but it is there, do what you will to avoid it.

You may try to escape from it in devious ways, through personal or collective violence, through individual or collective worship, through knowledge or amusement; but whether you are asleep or awake, it is always there.

Commentaries on Living First Series, p 92

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