Smile & Laugh 03 (Apr 09 - Oct 09)

[kennynah]

hey hey...good one depressed75...

to continue

Nokia condom - Connecting People
Burger King condom - It just tastes better
Adobe condom - Better by Adobe
Old Spice - The Mark of a Man
Parkway Margarine condom - The Flavour Says Butter
Pepsi condom - Come Alive! The Pepsi Generation
Office Depot condom - Taking Care of Business
Planter's Peanuts condom - Famously Fresh
Polaroid condom - The Fun Develops Instantly
Prudential condom - Get a Piece of the Rock
Quaker Oatmeal condom - Something to Smile About
Qwest condom - Spirit of Service
Radio Shack condom - You've Got Questions, We've Got Answers
American Express condom - Don't Leave Home without It
American Express condom 2 - Do More
AT&T condom - Reach Out and Touch Someone
Delta Airlines condom - We Love to Fly and It Shows
Avis condom - We Try Harder
Bayer Aspirin condom - Bayer Works Wonders
BMW condom - Sheer Driving Pleasure
Braniff Airlines condom - When You've Got It, Flaunt It
Brim Decaffeinated Coffee condom - Fill it to the rim with Brim

[Cherry]

Mature Lady Drivers

A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.

Traffic Cop: Don't have one?

Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Traffic Cop: I see....Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Traffic Cop: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Traffic Cop: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Traffic Cop: You what!?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The traffic cop is quite stunned.

Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license quizzically.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license,
that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!

Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.



Don't Mess With Mature Ladies!

[Cherry]

The Lawyer and the Chinese


The English Lawyer and the Chinese man

An English lawyer and and a Chinese are sitting next to each other on a long flight from London to Malaysia .
The lawyer is thinking that all Chinese are so dumb that he could get over on them, easy. So the lawyer asks if the Chinese would like to play a fun game.
The Chinese is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines, and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50, he says.
This catches the Chinese's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.

'What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?'
The Chinese doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer?

Now, it's the Chinese's turn. He asks the lawyer,

'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Chinese and hands him $50. The Chinese pockets the $50 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.

He wakes the Chinese up and asks,

'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?

The Chinese reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

[iam802]

This is from a friend in the US on their healthcare.

===
Why the public option (for US healthcare sucks)..

[millionairemind]

AN EASY ENOUGH MISTAKE

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door.

[millionairemind]

A CONFESSION FROM THE DEATHBED


A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for.

"Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box".

Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, "But what about the $7,000?"

"Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them."

[millionairemind]

The Less You Know, The More You Make
"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money

It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:
The less you know,the more you make.

[iam802]

Didn't Henry Ford says that he do not need to know the answers to everything?

So, yes...the less you know...the more money you will have. It holds some truth.

[kennynah]

and so..we always like to use this saying...

办猪吃老虎。。

becos the pig is seen as a dull animal, one would not expect it to be able to eat a tiger... bu according to the inference of this adage, it is capable...

so...to be less endowed is sometimes a blessing in disguise...

[Aspellian]

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."