Smile & Laugh 03 (Apr 09 - Oct 09)

[millionairemind]

How to start a fight !


(1) My wife and I are watching "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started….

;


(2) Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to
the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind
was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio,
and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the
house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is
out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started…

(3) I rear-ended a car this morning.. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just
get stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
believe it…. He was a DWARF!!! [Snow white & the Seven Dwarfs]
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY
!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started…..

(4) My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She
said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in under 10 seconds.'

I bought her some bathroom scales.
And then the fight started…

(5) When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive… so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started…

(6) After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started….

(7) My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would imagine that a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started…

(8) I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started…


(9) A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started…..

[Cherry]

MM

A Very Good Laugh(ssssssss)!

Thanks.

[Cherry]

Japanese Tradition

A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that
when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him.

So the first morning of her honeymoon the young Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love, stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes and
accidentally let out a big fart.

She looked up and said:

Adult joke:

Hidden Content:

'Aww so sowwy...excuse prease,
front hole so happy,
back hole laugh out
loud.'

[millionairemind]

I guess her name is Mrs. Watanabe??

[Aspellian]

MM

A Very Good Laugh(ssssssss)!

Thanks.

thanks MM for the good laugh!! i have to control myself from laughing out loud - ganna internal injuries liao! hahahahahha!!!!!!!

[Cherry]

RIGHT ON GALS!!!!

Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women seem to, and are happy to, maintain the old custom.

Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked,
'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said,

"Land Mines."

Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak or where you go):

BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN!

[kennynah]

They used to walk behind their husbands for the vey same reason they still walk behind their men... for the men so love their women, they are always prepared to sacrifice their lives for their women....

moral behind this misunderstood custom (no matter what language you speak or where you go)

IN FRONT OF EVERY WOMAN, THERE'S A LOVING MAN

[millionairemind]

T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator.

When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who
greeted him with a bright,

"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more
slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled
her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's
Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry,
Honey, It's Thursday -- duuhhh

[Depressed75]

~~~ How about 100 camels~~~

As US tourists in Israel, Morris and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists.

An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America," Morris replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. "She's not from the States."

"Yes I am." said the wife.

He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?"

"Yes." she replied.

Turning to the husband, he said, "I'll give you 100 camels for her."

Morris looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "She's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked "Morris what took you so long to answer?

Morris replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."
.
.

[Depressed75]

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or
sponsoring condoms, they would become fashionable and companies would
probably advertise more openly.
Imagine the trademarks:

Nike Condoms: - Just do It
Toyota Condoms: - Oh what a feeling
Ford Condoms: - The ride of your life.
Sony Condoms: - Do not underestimate the power of Sony Condoms
Microsoft Condoms: - Where do you want to go today?
KFC Condoms: - Finger Licking Good
M&Ms Condoms: - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands
Coca-Cola Condom: - The Real Thing
Ever-ReadyCondoms: - Keep going and going
Macintosh Condoms: - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
Pringles Condoms: - Once you pop, you can't stop.