Smile & Laugh 10 (May 13 - Aug 15)

[winston]

A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack.

The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?"

The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack."

The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?"

The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!"

[iam802]

You know those fine prints in legal document or in any agreement..?

Hidden Content:

$700k windfall: Russian man outwits bank with hand-written credit contract

http://rt.com/business/man-outsmarts-ba ... court-221/

A Russian man who decided to write his own small print in a credit card contract has had his changes upheld in court. He's now suing the country's leading online bank for more than 24 million rubles ($727,000) in compensation.

Disappointed by the terms of the unsolicited offer for a credit card from Tinkoff Credit Systems in 2008, a 42-year-old Dmitry Agarkov from the city of Voronezh decided to hand write his own credits terms.

The trick was that Agarkov simply scanned the bank’s document and ‘amended’ the small print with his own terms.

He opted for a 0 percent interest rate and no fees, adding that the customer "is not obliged to pay any fees and charges imposed by bank tariffs." The bank, however, didn’t read ‘the amendments’, as it signed and certified the document, as well as sent the man a credit card. Under the agreement, the bank OK'd to provide unlimited credit, according to Agarkov’s lawyer Dmitry Mikhalevich talking to Kommersant daily.

"The opened credit line was unlimited. He could afford to buy an island somewhere in Malaysia, and the bank would have to pay for it by law," Mikhalevich added.

Agarkov also changed the URL of the site where the terms and conditions were published and hedged against the bank’s breaking of the agreement. For each unilateral change in the terms provided in the agreement, the bank would be asked to pay the customer (Agarkov) 3 million rubles ($91,000), or a cancelation fee of 6 million rubles ($182,000)

However, after two years of active use, the bank decided to terminate Agarkov's credit card because of overdue payments. In 2012, the bank sued Agarkov for 45,000 rubles ($1,363) - an amount that included the remaining balance, fees, and late payment charges, which violated the actual agreement. The court decided that the agreement Agarkov crafted was valid, and required him to settle only his balance of 19,000 rubles ($575).

The bankers had to admit the mistake, says Agarkov’s representative Dmitry Mikhalevich.

"They signed the documents without looking. They said what usually their borrowers say in court: 'We have not read it,'” says Mikhalevich.

Despite the victory, Agarkov decided to sue Tinkoff Credit Systems for fines of 24 million rubles ($727,000) for not honoring the terms of the agreement, and the decision to terminate the contract without paying 6 million rubles ($182,000) fee.

"Our lawyers think, he is going to get not 24 million, but really four years in prison for fraud. Now it's a matter of principle for @ tcsbank,” founder of the bank Oleg Tinkov tweeted.

“We don’t have small print, everything is clear and transparent. Try to open a card - then we'll talk. Stealing is a sin - in my opinion, of course. Not all in Russia think so,” Tinkov tweeted.

The next hearing will be held in September.

[winston]

Opening Hours

A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep.

He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. “What time do you open up in the morning?” he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.

The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed.

A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. “Listen, the owner shouted, “there’s no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn’t let a person in your condition in—“

“I don’t want to get in,” the caller interjected. “I want to get out.”

[winston]

French

A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class.

To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French."

The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!"

"Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?"

"I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand them."

[winston]

What's wrong with me ?

A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear.

He says, “What is wrong with me?

The psychiatrist replies, “You are not eating properly.”

[behappyalways]

有理有据的鬼月禁忌
http://bbs.wenxuecity.com/fortune/267517.html

[winston]

Instinct

A man and his son were walking down the street. The boy saw a dog walking and sniffing at the ground.

What makes the dog sniff at the ground dad? That is INSTINCT son.

A bit later his dad saw a dog sniffing another dog. Do you know why he's doing that son? I do dad, like you said before that’s END-STINK

[winston]

Seduction

A shy man was feeling a little lucky and decided to ask the subdued provocative Librarian about seduction, as he tended to be oblique in his intentions.

“Do you have any books on women seducing men?''

The Librarian answered without hesitation '' Why yes" she murmured.

Most likely found in the '' Fantasy section"

[winston]

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: “Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.”

“How about that!” he exclaimed. “They’ve got three people buried in one grave.”

[behappyalways]

Hard Working Indians / Bank Robbery - Gabriel Iglesias (from Aloha Fluffy)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu_m5diSk4k