Smile & Laugh 10 (May 13 - Aug 15)

[winston]

A police man pulls over a drunk driver for not stopping at a stop sign and asks the driver if he saw the stop sign. The driver replies "I did but it turned red too fast for me to stop."

[winston]

Little Johnny is in art class.

The art teacher asks, “what are you drawing?"

Johnny answers, “a cow eating grass," "where's the grass?" "The cow ate it!"

"Oh... what about the cow?" "She ran away!"

[winston]

How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

NONE, they never get the house!

[winston]

Canadian geese are known to fly in a "V" shaped as they migrate across the county.

The lead goose in the "V" cuts through the air making it easier for the rest of the geese behind him.

As that lead goose becomes tired, he will drop off and join one of the sides and a new lead goose will take over.

This is done several times as they are flying long distances.

So if you look up in the sky and see a "V" shape of geese and one side is longer than the other, do you know what that means?

A:

Hidden Content:

(There are more geese on that side)

[winston]

An example of the new America:

A brother and sister were driving to a couple stores and the conversation of buying things they needed came up.

As they were talking, the sister mentioned that she needed to get a new car.

The brother said, “Well, you have a college degree now, so you can go get the job that pays you more."

The sister, who made between 10 and 11 dollars an hour said, “I already got the job that my college degree will get me. Now what?”

[winston]

A teacher in a political science class asked the students, "Who is the most powerful person in the US?"

A student answered, "The First Pet?"

The teacher then asked, "Why?"

The student explained, "Because, the president kneels before him, talks to him, listens to him, follows him, prefers him to office staff, looks after his wellbeing before the voters', cancels/defers official duties in favor of him, and boards Airforce One first."

[winston]

Coincidences

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences.

The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins"

"That’s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"

The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!

[winston]

Decoy

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.

At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test.

The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.

The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy.”

[winston]

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: "You can have mine."

[winston]

Prescription

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" "To kill my husband."

"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"

The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.

The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.

He takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!"