Smile & Laugh 03 (Apr 09 - Oct 09)

[winston]

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

1) Stress is when wife is pregnant,
2) Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
3) Panic is when both are pregnant.

[millionairemind]

Those who love to laugh (like me and most of the time, at myself haha), don't miss the Finale of LAST COMIC STANDING on AXN this sat at 8-10pm.

Gabriel was from an earlier season. He is hilarious

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[millionairemind]

You guys got to watch this. Indian comic on Last Comic Standing making it to the finals.

A change - the finals this saturday is on Star World. Don't miss it.

This PAPA CJ is HILARIOUS!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uf8DQch_2iI
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[kennynah]

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

1) Stress is when wife is pregnant,
2) Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
3) Panic is when both are pregnant.

wahahahaha.....funny.....hahaha...

ok..now my turn

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

1) Stress is when girlfriend refuses sex every other night,
2) Tension is when wife insists on sex every other night and
3) Panic is when wife and girlfriend want sex on the same night

[millionairemind]

Lawyers!

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.

''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.

''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''

''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''

''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''

[millionairemind]

Russell Peters is hilarious!!! Sit thro' this 8min clip and I am sure you will enjoy it as much as I did.

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[Cherry]

A bear, a lion and a pig meet.

Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."

Lion says: "if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."

Pig says: "big deal.... I only have to cough, and the entire planet lives in fear.

[millionairemind]

W's post reminded me of this clip.

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[millionairemind]

Comebacks for Women

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

[millionairemind]

Billing
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.