Smile & Laugh 02 (Nov 08 - Mar 09)

[millionairemind]

Singing Frog

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."

The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."

"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

"Money or another miracle else no drink", says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

The guy says "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy "Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy."

"Not so", says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist."

[millionairemind]

Ah Soh always smiles during lightning storms because she thinks her picture is being taken.

**************

Why can't Ah Soh dial 911 ?

Because she can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

**************

Ah Soh and her friend board a double-decker bus.

Her friend gets a seat downstairs and Ah Soh goes upstairs.

After a while, her friend goes upstairs to look for Ah Soh and finds her clutching the seats in both hands and her body is shivering .

Her friend : "What happened? Why you so scared for what? Downstairs quite shiok one."

Ah Soh : "Alamak you! You got a driver but I don't."

[millionairemind]

Another Dumb Blonde

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

[millionairemind]

Got this from Bert

The Value of A Drink

'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drinkI feel shame Then I look into the glass and thinkabout the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopesand dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be outof work and their dreams would be shattered.Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let theirdreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hellhappened to your bra and panties
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'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When theywake up in the morning, that's as good as they'regoing to feel all day. '~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you aretougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.'~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people arelaughing WITH you.
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'24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.'~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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