Smile & Laugh 03 (Apr 09 - Oct 09)

[millionairemind]

Story 1
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell
stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah Chek : Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo'
(waist) only, where got up
to the 'nee'(breast) one.

Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah
Lian's place to show it to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various
functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot
catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the & accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah!
Wah Piang eh!" screamed
Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sei lah! No lah, I tot hor,
"R" for racing mah!"*


Story 3
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah! Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.


Story 4
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down. Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that Ah Bengs actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.


Story 5
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wah low!!!, how you know one?" The first Ah Lian reply smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."

[millionairemind]

Should men or ladies brew the coffee ?

Ah Beng and Ah Lian were having an argument on who should brew the coffee ?
So Ah Lian said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

Ah Beng replied, "You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Ah Lian replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee."
Ah Beng replies, " You expect me to believe that, show me."

So Ah Lian gets the Bible, and opens to the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ... "HE-BREWS" !!!!!!!

[kennynah]

wah...ah beng and ah lian must have attended british council engerish crasses...

[kennynah]

wahahahahaha.....

[millionairemind]

Y not BATMAN BIN SUPERMAN??

[kennynah]

I just heard on the radio n they too spotted this above. Apparently this was first discovered in Facebook. Supa funny lah. Wahahaha

[millionairemind]

There was a competition to swim from Santa Monica to Catalina
Doing only the breaststroke
The only three women who entered the race were a Brunette
A Redhead and a Blonde

After approximately 14 hours, the Blonde staggered up on the shore
She was declared the fastest breaststroker

About 40 minutes later, the Redhead crawled declared the second place finisher

Nearly 4 hours after that, the Brunette finally came ashore
And promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race

She replied
"I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser
But I think those two other girls were using their arms"

-----------------------------
The brunette had been married about a year
One day the she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy
He didn't know how to react
So he started jumping up and down along with her

"Why are we so happy?" he asked
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
"Great" he said, "tell me what you're so happy about"
She stopped, breathless from all the jumping up and down
"I'm pregnant!" she gasped

The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for quite a while
He grabbed her, and kissed her
"Wow, that is wonderful," "I couldn't be happier"

Then she said, "Oh, honey there's more"
"What do you mean more?", he asked
"Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

He was amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant
"How do you that," he asked

"It was easy," she said
"I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit"
"Both tests came out positive!"

-----------------------------
Q. What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A. A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes

Q. What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
A. No one else wants it

Q. What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
A. Invisible

Q. What's a brunette's mating call?
A. "Has the blonde left yet?"

Q. What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A. The invitation

Q. What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A. A hostage

Q. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A. It matches their mustache

Q. Why are most brunettes flatchested?
A. It makes it easier to read their T-shirt

Q. Why do brunettes like their dark hair color?
A. It doesn't show the dirt

Q. Why is brunette considered an evil color?
A. When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

Q. Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
A. The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable

Q. Who makes bras for brunettes?
A. Fisher-Price

Q. Is it tru blonds have more fun?
A. No, they have ALL the fun

Q. How can you tell a brunette is lonely?
A. Check her for a pulse

Q. What is the most frustrated animal in the world?
A. A brunette rabbit

Q.Why do brunettes wear training bras?
A. Because it's cheaper than changing their bandaids everyday

Q. What's the difference between a brunette and the trash?
A. At least the trash gets taken out once a week

Q. Why does it take 5 brunettes to change a light bulb ?
A. To help out the blonde that's been tryin' for weeks

Q. What's a brunette that has dyed her hair ?
A. Artificial intelligence

Q. How do you recognize a brunette at the airport?
A. She's the one throwing bread at the airplanes

Q. Why does a brunette have a see-through lunchbox?
A. To know whether she's coming from or going to the office

Q. Why does a brunette have curtains on her PC?
A. To open windows

Q. Why does a brunette throw water on her keyboard?
A. To surf the internet

Q. Why was the first football stadium sketched out on a brunette's chest?
A. Because they needed a level playing field

Q. Why do brunettes put ice in their nose before they go to work?
A. So their lunch won't spoil

Q. How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color?
A. By studying what oil spills did to seaweed

Q. Why can't brunettes `tease' their hair?
A. Because it's not funny

Q. How can a brunette get lost in a crowd of three?
A. It's easy... if one-third of the crowd is blonde

[millionairemind]

Getting revenge with marriage
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."

Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."

Johnson: "But I want you to."

Wife: "But why?"

Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

[millionairemind]

The way you say it
It's not what you say, but the way you say it.

On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes."

The girl was very flattered.

What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."

[millionairemind]

Going to the office
Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"