Smile & Laugh 02 (Nov 08 - Mar 09)

[Poles]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dk_DHh5i ... re=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHkWv1vHtHk&feature=dir

[kennynah]

sorry...i felt it too imposing having to be redirected somewhere else... appreciate if it could be cut and pasted here...easier for everyone to read...

[Cherry]

Adult Joke

Hidden Content:

The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!' Word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, g rabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until A woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why ???

OH, come on... take a guess !!!

Think about it !!!

You're going to love this !!!

Everyone knows...

You can't kill Two Birds

with One Stone !!!

[Cherry]

Fire Drill

In a large multinational company ............ ..

A fire alarm rang at 4 PM in a large office when almost all employees were in office (approx 5000). As usual the entire office was evacuated within 3mins & all employees gathered outside the office in the designated area waiting for further announcement.

The Security Officer in charge made the following announcement:
"Dear employees - with sincere regret I have been asked to announce that for many of you it will be your last evacuation drill.
Due to the recession the company is laying off almost 50% of its employees. So when this announcement finishes, I ask all of you to move back into the building and if your swipe card does not work then it means you have been laid off in which case you will not be allowed inside and all your belongings will be couriered to you by tomorrow.

The Company has used this innovative approach as we didn't want to fill up the email box with lay-off mails and good bye mails in thousands & also to avoid any fight inside the office and the consequent security issue for all staff.

Hope you have had a rewarding career with us and all the best ahead.

Please move back in & try your luck".

[Cherry]

Adult Joke

Hidden Content:

SPOONS.......other uses!!!!!

Last week, we took some friends out to a restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When another waiter brought our water, I noticed he
also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked,
'Why the spoon?' 'Well', he explained, the restaurant's owners hired A*A*A* Consultantcy to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel
are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare.

'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen, instead of making an extra trip to get it right now. I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same sort of string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter,
'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' 'Oh, certainly!'
Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant.
That consulting firm also mentioned they had found out that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it
and eliminate the need to wash our hands,
shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.

I asked 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

gf

[Cherry]

Cha Siew Pau & Maggi Mee

One day, cha siew pau and maggi mee had a big fight.
Maggi mee beat cha siew pau up until it had bruises on its pau body.

Cha Siew Pau lost the fight and went back to tell all the pau family;-
Kaya pau, tau sa pau, curry pau, and etc.

So together, all the paus went to find maggi mee for revenge.

On the way... they met Spaghetti.. so all of the pau ran to Spaghetti
and BEAT the daylights out of Spaghetti till Spaghetti could not say a word,

Spaghetti then screamed ....... 'what did I do? I don't even noe you all'..

Then cha siew pau said ..

'HEH! MAGGI MEE! Don't think I can't recognize you after you do REBONDING!!'

[Cherry]

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fainted when he saw
him. Murphy had never been seen in Church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, 'Murphy, I am so
glad ya decided to come to Mass, what made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I
misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a
hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn comes to Church every Sunday. I
also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would
leave it in the back of Church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal
McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I
decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all.."

The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about
'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without the hat than burn in Hell, right?"

Murphy slowly shook his head and said, "No, Father, after ya talked about
'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."

[Cherry]

http://www.flixxy.com/worlds-fastest-magician.htm

[Cherry]

24 hours to live...

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,
'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?'
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch
and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,
'Honey, please... just one more time before I die.'
She says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours.
Do you think we could...?
At this point the wife sits up and says,

'Listen Morris, enough is enough

I have to get up in the morning... you don’t.'

[kennynah]

a great series on "sex" jokes by cherry....kudos !!!