Smile & Laugh 10 (May 13 - Aug 15)

[kennynah]

Yaacob wants to control the world's media

[iam802]

Yaacob wants to control the world's media

Yahoo responds to MDA.

I think it is classythey way he highlighted that they are now accredited and should be given press pass like Soh and others.

So, the ball is now in MDA court. If every site that is deemed to be on par as sph, then they too should be given access to press coverage. Imagine, TOC, TR given those passes.

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/what-singapore ... 48158.html

[kennynah]

they want to drag everyone to the ZERO standards that States Times, the national tabloid, is

[winston]

Station

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

Now you know why they call it a workstation!

[winston]

How is a snail stronger than an elephant?

Because an elephant carries his trunk, but a snail carries his house!

[winston]

An independent voter was exploring the candidates and their parties.

He asked a campaigner of a party, "who represents your candidate?"

The campaigner answered, "Donkey".

The voter asked a campaigner of another party the same question.

The campaigner answered, "Elephant".

The voter then asked his wife, "who should I vote for - Donkey or Elephant?"

The wife suggested, "either one; both are same - animals."

[winston]

Snake

Old Bubba was fishing along the Bayou for catfish one day, when he spots a water moccasin slithering across the water with a toad in its mouth.

Being a longtime fisherman, he knows the best bait for large catfish are toads.

In a flash, Bubba grabs the snake from behind and carefully removes the toad from its mouth and puts the toad in his side bag.

Fearing the angry snake would bite him; Bubba grabs his bottle of daddy's moonshine from his pocket and carefully pours 2 drops into the snake's mouth.

The snake's eyes glaze over and quickly go limp. Bubba carefully places the snake back in the water.

A few hours later, Bubba is just about to head back home, when he feels something tapping on his leg.

He looks down and is amazed to see the same water moccasin with 2 frogs in its mouth.

[winston]

Good Trade

Farmer picks up an American Indian hitch hiking.

The Indian is a man of few words but eventually looks at the brown paper bag in between them and asks, "Mmm, What in bag?"

The farmer says, "It's a bottle of wine that I got for my wife".

Indian thinks for a second and say, "Mmm, good trade".

[winston]

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

[winston]

Speeding

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further.

The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.