Smile & Laugh 10 (May 13 - Aug 15)

[behappyalways]

Just for laugh.....to S-chips fans......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chbjc-XDKLw

[winston]

Speeding

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

[winston]

Guy: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?

Girl: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

[winston]

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of whisky. He gulps it down and peeks into his shirt pocket.

He orders another shot of whisky, gulps it down and peeks into his short pocket. He orders a third shot and does the same thing. After the sixth shot, he asks the bartender for the bill, pays and starts to walk out.

Curiosity gets the better of the bartender and he says to the guy, "Excuse me, but I noticed that every time you drank a shot, you kept looking into your pocket. I was wondering what's in your pocket."

The guy slurs, "Well, I have a picture of my wife in my pocket. I keep drinking until she starts to look good."

[winston]

Q. How do you know when a woman is going to say something smart?

A. It will start with "He said..."

[behappyalways]

Indian Headshakes | What do they mean?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj56IPJOqWE

[winston]

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town.

Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew.

He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.

A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional.

His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence.

Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition.

"You got any toilet paper on your side?"

[winston]

Cemetery

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why did you die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before.

For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?"

The mourner answered, "My wife's first husband! ... Why did you die? Why did you die?"

[winston]

A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before. ‘You’ll get your chance in court,’ says the desk sergeant.

‘No, no, no! says the man. ‘I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!’

[winston]

Theater

A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.

He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.

The usher looks at the quarter, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."