Smile & Laugh 07 (Oct 11 - Mar 12)

[winston]

Genie

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.

So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie asked, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"

[winston]

Q: Why did Mickey Mouse go to space?

A: To visit Pluto

[winston]

What dogs think about humans:
They pet me, they feed me, they shelter me, and they love me... They must be God!


What cats think about humans:
They pet me, they feed me, they shelter me, and they love me... I must be God!

[winston]

1. A day without sunshine, is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

[winston]

NABE Survey Shows Higher GDP Optimism

A higher number of business economists and policymakers expect the US economy to expand by more than 2 percent this year, the latest survey by National Association For Business Economics (NABE) showed Monday.

[iam802]

NABE Survey Shows Higher GDP Optimism

A higher number of business economists and policymakers expect the US economy to expand by more than 2 percent this year, the latest survey by National Association For Business Economics (NABE) showed Monday.

NABE = Sounds like Naaaah Beeeeh!

No wonder it is file under Smile and Laugh

[behappyalways]

haa haa hope you understand what the joke is about....

http://www.wenxuecity.com/news/2012/01/ ... 72907.html

[winston]

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last; thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger, without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

[winston]

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience, is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

[winston]

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark ?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.