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Hold it as a precious jewel

Can one remain with that pain? Can I look at that pain, hold it, hold it as a precious jewel not escape, not suppress, not rationalize it, not seek the cause of it, but hold it as a vessel holds water?

Hold this thing called sorrow, the pain, that is, I have lost my son and I am lonely, not to escape from that loneliness, not to suppress it, not to intellectually rationalize it, but to look at that loneliness, understand the depth of it, the nature of it.

- Krishnamurti, Mind Without Measure, p 57


Source: http://www.jkrishnamurti.com

Sorrow has an ending

Sorrow follows us like our shadow, and we do not seem to be able to resolve it.

Sorrow has an ending, but it does not come about through any system or method.

There is no sorrow when there is perception of 'what is'. When you see very clearly what is whether it be the fact that life has no fulfilment, or the fact that your son, your brother, or your husband is dead; when you know the fact as it actually is, without interpretation, without having an opinion about it, without any ideation, ideals, or judgements, then I think there is the ending of sorrow.

- Krishnamurti, The Collected Works vol XI, p 284


Source: www.jkrishnamurti.com

The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

By Susie Steiner

Source: Business Insider

Based on the Book The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

http://www.mindpowernews.com/TopRegrets.htm

I'm not 50 yrs old. I'm 18 with 32 yrs of experience

- Adam Rasmussen

As you diminish contrast, you diminish your ability to decide, and as you diminish your ability to decide, you diminish your ability to focus, and as you diminish your ability to focus, you do away with your reason for existing.

---Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop: Orlando, FL on February 15, 1997

Source: www.abraham-hicks.com

You can retire but not your money

by yap ming hui

http://www.thestar.com.my/Business/Busi ... our-money/

The Only Thing That Really Matters By Alex Green

Why do some folks look back on their lives and say they wouldn't change much? Or anything?

Is there a formula? Some mix of love, work, habits, or attitudes that offers the best chance of a well-lived life?

Researchers at Harvard have been examining this question for 72 years by following 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s.

Their discoveries might surprise you.

Just listen to Dr. George Vaillant. Since 1967, the Harvard Medical School professor has dedicated his career to the "Grant Study." (It was named after its patron, the department-store magnate W.T. Grant.)

Vaillant's specialty is the comprehensive study of a small number of people over a long period of time.

His subjects were never a representative sample of society. They were all young men from relatively privileged backgrounds.

Yet Vaillant's findings offer profound insights into the human condition. They have universal applications. And they illuminate the one factor that correlates most highly with a positive life assessment in old age.

So let's take a closer look...

From the beginning, the Grant Study was meant to be exhaustive. The researchers assembled a team that included medical doctors, physiologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and anthropologists.

Participants were monitored, interviewed, and studied from every conceivable angle. That included their eating and drinking habits, exercise, mental and physical health, career changes, and financial successes and setbacks.

They were subjected to general aptitude tests and personality inventories, and were required to provide regular documentation.

Many of the men achieved dramatic success. Some became captains of industry. One was a bestselling author. Four ran for the U.S. Senate. One served in a presidential cabinet. And one – JFK (we now know) – was president. (His files have been sealed until 2040.)

Some of the subjects were disappointments, too. Case number 47, for example, literally fell down drunk and died. (Not quite what the study had in mind.)

Most of the participants remain anonymous. (Although a few, like Ben Bradlee, the long-time editor of The Washington Post, have identified themselves.)

Over the last four decades, the lives of the Grant men were Vaillant's personal and professional obsession. In his book Adaptation to Life, he writes, "Their lives were too human for science, too beautiful for numbers, too sad for diagnosis, and too immortal for bound journals."

Yet more than 70 years of data and enabled Vaillant to reach some broad conclusions.

He found seven major factors that predict healthy aging, both physically and psychologically: education, stable marriage, healthy weight, some exercise, not smoking, not abusing alcohol, and "employing mature adaptations." (Vaillant believes social skills and coping methods are crucial in determining overall satisfaction.)

However, his most important finding was revealed in a 2008 interview. He was asked, "What have you learned from the Grant Study men?"

Vaillant's response: "That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people."

The Grant Study confirms what the wisest have always known. That a successful life is not about the grim determination to get or have more. Nor is it about low cholesterol levels or intellectual brilliance or career accomplishments.

It's about human connections: parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends, neighbors, and mentors.

Without them, life quickly loses its flavor, whatever material successes we enjoy.

Look back at your life. You'll almost certainly find that the most significant moments were births, deaths, weddings, and celebrations.

Your most profound moments? When you touched others. Or they touched you.

In times of suffering – loss, sickness, death – it is not prescriptions, formulas, or advice we seek. It is the healing presence of another.

When we forget this – when we think only of ourselves – we choke the source of our development.

Real meaning comes from taking care of those you love, letting them know how you feel.

Fortunately, we have countless opportunities to give a bit of ourselves each day through a thoughtful act, a word of appreciation, or a sense of understanding.

As Dr. Vaillant concludes, true success "is more about us than me."

Source: HSI

This is the real secret to dealing with loss From James Altucher

There’s no way to deal with extreme loss.

But here’s how I have tried to deal with it.

People say “time heals all wounds,” but that is a bad answer. Sure, a memory will get sutured over time, leaving only a faint scar.

How much time? Nobody says how long…

Can I negotiate the speed of that time?

I’ve tried regret. If I admit I was wrong, won’t that work?

“Why did I treat her that way?” Or “Why did I buy that investment?” Or “Why didn’t I hold onto that job?” Or “Why did I break that law?” or “Why didn’t I do more when I was younger?”

I’m sorry.

“It’s easy for him to say! He doesn’t understand.”

I don’t.

Pain is mandatory in life but the suffering is not. Regret is just using suffering to suture the still open wound. That’s an easy way to get infected.

Here’s another way to deal with loss that hasn’t worked for me…

Repeat over and over and over again: “I’m going to lose all of my money, my house, my family, my friends, my self-esteem, and I can’t stop it. I’m like a car with no brakes at 150 miles per hour crashing into a wall and there’s no way to stop.”

I can tell you for sure: that technique WORKS.

It’s like a satanic law of attraction. I did lose all of the above. I did crash against the wall. I was left with nothing. I had no self-esteem. So I guess it worked. Who needs esteem anyway?

One time I was driving around a private racetrack, taking racing lessons. I was the only one before or since to ever go on that track without a driver’s license. The instructor told me I was the worst student he ever had.

The instructor, a former professional race car driver, asked me what I should do if I spin out of control.

I, of course, said, “slam the breaks,” and he said, “No! That’s the worst thing. Just look the opposite way you are spinning.” Otherwise you crash into the wall.

He said, “It’s hard to do that. It goes against your natural instincts. But you have to do it or die.”

I will tell you how I deal with loss now.

I don’t.

You only can lose what you cling to.

Practice un-clinging. “Un-clinging” is not even a real word. That’s how much “they” don’t want you to do it. The aliens outlawed it from English.

Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m clinging to, but I can feel the residue of ancient clinging that’s still there.

There is something in my gut and chest and head that won’t go away; loss, fear…

But maybe today I can sleep a little better. Eat a little better. Be creative. Work on just one thing. Help just one person. Pay for lunch with a $2 bill. Do it now. Talk to people I like. Be grateful. Brush my teeth. I KNOW I can do all these things today. I can choose to do them.

My only regret now is that I didn’t focus on these small things at my worst. I wasted so much time worrying. Regretting the loss of a life I thought I was entitled to.

I lost that life. And found another. It’s the gap in between that’s the secret ingredient. Be gentle with yourself in the gap.

Gentleness is what works for me now. I can’t describe it further. You have to try it. Everything else comes from that.

Tomorrow might be loss. And yesterday might be regret. But tomorrow is only determined by what I do today and today is only determined by what I do this second. Hit Publish.

Source: The Altucher Confidential